


The Stars Caught in Her Eyes

by obscureenthusiast



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Data just wants to help, F/F, First date (kinda), I will fix next gen and I'll do it with lesbians, I wrote this for me and the six other Tasha/Deanna stans, Pining, Tasha Yar is a disaster lesbian who gets flustered over Deanna's pretty eyes, Tasha is really really really emotionally constipated, Will Riker plays the trombone, god I don't know how to tag this thing yikes, mentions of the Naked Now bullshit, questionable use of holodeck resources
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:53:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obscureenthusiast/pseuds/obscureenthusiast
Summary: Ever since she was a kid, Tasha's been searching and reaching for something higher. A way off her homeworld. A place in the Academy. A position in Starfleet. But she never slowed down long enough to really find anything.Until she arrived on the Enterprise and found herself falling for a certain ship's counselor... who unfortunately had already caught the eye of the first officer. So, she found herself determined to keep quiet until her crush disappeared with the erosion of time.But, unfortunately, Data has excellent hearing... and doesn't quite know the meaning of "it never happened".





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write this fic for a while now and I'm SO GLAD it's done. It's been clanking around in my brain for a while, this idea of Data helping Tasha ask Deanna out (mostly because my Tasha/Deanna loving ass needed to rectify the whole "Naked Now" situation between Tasha and Data...)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!! ^_^

Security exercises. It seemed lately Tasha’s duties had been relegated down to nothing but exercises, drills, and reports that needed filing. 

Granted, she couldn’t complain too much. This was still a green crew that needed to learn to work together, and as Chief of Security she had to be attentive to that. In the case of a disaster or threat, they needed to know they could trust each other. They needed to function as a seamless unit.

But that didn’t mean she wasn’t aching for an actual test of her skills.

Tonight, however, she was also glad to finally be off-shift. Tasha collapsed onto her bed, unzipping the front of her uniform and taking a deep breath. It didn’t matter how long she’d been in Starfleet, or how proud she was to wear the uniform, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get over the joy of taking the damn thing off every night.

Moving to sit up, she slipped her arms out of the uniform sleeves and stretched despite the way her shoulders protested. She suspected she’d have a few bruises to deal with tomorrow. Training had been no more rigorous than usual, but when your sparring partner happens to be a full-blooded Klingon, there’s bound to be some damage. 

Tasha pushed herself off the bed to finish changing. After stripping off her uniform, she grabbed a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants and pulled them on. She didn’t bother changing out of her uniform undershirt, even though she suspected it was stinking of sweat. She was planning on taking a sonic shower later, anyway.

The door chimes sounded through her quarters and Tasha looked up, confused and unsure who would be visiting at this hour. She walked out, calling, “Come in!” as she stepped into the main room.

The doors slid open with a hiss and in walked Data, dressed as usual in his uniform. He nodded with the barest hint of a smile, “Evening, Tasha.”

Tasha blinked in confusion, responding back flatly,“Evening, Data.” She cleared her throat a little, remembering suddenly to smile, “to what do I owe the surprise visit?” She hoped that she’d sounded cheerful enough, crossing her arms to hide the way her hands wanted to fidget.

The last time he had been in her quarters… she hadn’t been herself.

Data’s bright yellow eyes met hers in a casual, friendly way. His head tilted by the barest degree, “I wanted to speak to you,” he paused a moment, “I hope I am not disturbing your evening.”

Tasha shook her head, “No, no, come on in, sit down, please,” she said, gesturing at the couch. She was aware of how rushed her voice sounded, but wasn’t sure how to stop it. Dread coiled in her stomach, a spring-loaded trap ready to snap.

As Data took a seat on the couch, Tasha took a deep, calming breath and walked across to the replicator. 

“Tea. Chamomile, hot, two sugars,” she listed her usual order quickly. While the replicator whirred to life, she turned to Data, eyebrows raised, “Can I interest you in anything?”

Data, perched on the couch, back straight and arms at his sides, seemed to think for a moment, before responding, “I do not require anything. But I have been told it can be impolite to decline such an offer.”

Tasha let the ghost of a smile pull at her lips as she retrieved her drink. “Don’t worry about it, I won’t be offended if you don’t,” she assured him as she walked away from the replicator.

Data shook his head, his eyebrows going up, “No thank you, Tasha, though I’m grateful for the offer.”

Tasha nodded, taking a seat across from him, “So,” she said, her fingertips fiddling with the fabric of her sweatpants, “what is it you wanted to talk about?”

Data looked away with an expression Tasha would almost call sheepishness. “Our,” he paused a half-second, his eyes flickering back to hers, “ _encounter_ while you were under the influence of the polywater intoxication.”

Tasha let out a long breath and looked down into her tea. Well, her fears were confirmed at least. 

“I understand it is not something you wish to discuss,” Data said quickly.

“Really? What part of ‘it never happened’ gave you that idea?” Tasha asked bitterly, taking a sip of tea. It was still too hot and it burned the tip of her tongue, but she did her best not to wince.

Data was quiet, as if he were trying to process an answer to her sarcasm. Finally, he said, “I understand human reactions to embarrassment are often drastic. But you cannot make something that happened reverse itself.”

Tasha leaned back in her seat, inhaling deeply. “I understand that, Data, but,” she looked away and shook her head, “I don’t want to talk about it, alright? I…” she shrugged, “I want to move past it, not… keep reliving it. Especially since I wasn’t really myself when I did it.”

“Oh,” Data said. Tasha looked over and he was frowning, his brows furrowed in confusion, “I think I understand.”

She nodded once, “Good,” she said slowly, “I’m glad.”

Was it really that simple? Had she been avoiding Data all this time and it was really… just that simple? She took another sip of tea, allowing herself to relax now that the worst was over.

“Then perhaps we can discuss your feelings for Counselor Troi.”

Tasha choked, coughing and spluttering she half-slammed her tea onto the table to keep from spilling and snapped her full attention onto Data. 

“Excuse me?” she said, when she had enough breath to speak. She could feel an embarrassed heat rising in her face but ignored it.

Data looked at her, his eyebrows furrowing in a confused way, “Your feelings for Counselor Troi.” he repeated, in the same matter-of-fact tone he had used before.

“I…” Tasha stammered, blinking a couple of times because, _right_ , this was an android who took things literally. “I heard you the first time, Data, it’s just an expression.” She swallowed, shaking her head and forcing out a chuckle, “What… makes you think I have any feelings for, um, Deanna?” 

Yeah, that sounded aghast enough, right?

Data opened his mouth, but seemed to reconsider and closed it again. He tilted his head a couple of times, as if trying to decipher how to deliver the information, before he finally said, in a low tone, “I… cannot answer that without speaking of… the encounter that never happened.”

Tasha almost laughed out loud, but she managed to keep it from escaping. This was too much. It wasn’t even _funny_ , just so many worst-case scenarios converging at once that she had no choice but to laugh. 

She sighed and cleared her throat, “Just this once, Data, I give you permission to talk about it.”

Data gave a small half-smile, “Thank you,” he said, then the smile disappeared and his expression changed to one of mild seriousness, “At the beginning of our encounter, you stated that you wanted ‘softness’, and proceeded to ask if I was in fact fully funct—”

“I recall what I said… and did,” Tasha said quickly, feeling her face heating even more. “I don’t need a replay, just get to the point. What does this have to do with your thinking I have feelings for Counselor Troi?”

Data blinked, pausing a moment before he spoke, “It did not seem important to you that I be attracted to you. I am incapable of romantic or sexual desire. You could have chosen any number of men on this crew who have expressed such interest, yet you chose me to initiate a sexual encounter with.”

Tasha swore that if she had to hear Data say “encounter” one more time she would toss herself out of the nearest airlock from pure embarrassment. 

“So?” Tasha asked, leaning forward to pick up her mug of tea, hoping to mask some of her discomfort by diverting her eyes away from him. 

He took a breath, “You kept your eyes closed for a significant portion of our encounter,” he continued, his voice clinically level, “which leads me to speculate that you were engaging in some sort of sexual fantasizing in order to enhance your ow—” 

Tasha, her face glowing red, lifted a hand to cut the android off. She raised her eyebrows, “Getting off-topic, Data.”

He nodded once, then hesitated.

“Data,” Tasha prodded, “you can continue just… keep it succinct.” 

Data’s gold eyes blinked and his head tilted marginally. He looked at Tasha and said simply, as calmly and clearly as if he were reading sensor reports to the captain, “You moaned the name ‘Deanna’.” 

Oh. So, she _had_ remembered that part correctly. It hadn’t been some weird drunken dream. Comforting.

Tasha figured at this point that an airlock would take too long, and dropping herself into the warp core would be the least painful way to leave this conversation. 

She snorted a little, “Data, you must have misheard me.”

His eyebrows darted upwards, “My auditory processing is highly accurate. There is no way I could have.”

Of course not.

“Then it was my mistake,” she said quickly, setting her tea down on the low table between her and Data with more force than was really necessary, “I was… drunk or drugged or _whatever_. And I definitely wasn’t talking about Counselor Troi. It was… someone else. From a long time ago.”

Data furrowed his brow, “I have searched your records and found no connections to any others by the name of Deanna or any other similar name.”

Tasha rose quickly from her seat, propelled by shock, and stared down at Data incredulously. 

“You searched my _records_?”

“Nothing that was not accessible for any crew member,” Data admitted, though his tone reflected some guilt, as if he realized the breach of trust he had committed. He looked up at her, still seated on the couch. 

This had to be some sort of weird nightmare. Tasha ran a hand back through her short hair and let out a breath, shaking her head. 

“Oh, Data…” She turned away, walking back to the replicator. She needed to pace, she needed to release this energy that was suddenly plaguing her.

The android stood and took a couple steps closer, “It is nothing to be ashamed of, Tasha,” he said quietly.

“Ashamed?” Tasha laughed coldly, turning on her heel to face him, “Data I’m _mortified_.” She gestured at herself, scoffing, “In case you hadn’t noticed, this isn’t something I want anybody to know!” She bit her lip, wrenching her gaze down to the floor and muttering, “ _I_ barely know what to make of it, dammit.”

Data was quiet for a second, before he spoke, “I do not understand…”

Tasha took a deep breath, closing her eyes and speaking haltingly, “Data, I always thought… I was supposed to like men. I got here and Deanna… feelings toward her…” She shrugged and finished her sentence simply, “...happened. And I didn’t know what to do, because I had never been with a man in—” She felt her muscles tightening as memories struggled to surface and she screwed her eyes shut, brushing the darkness away. 

She repeated herself with force, this time, “Never been with a man… romantically,” she rushed forward with new momentum, “And I’d certainly never been with a woman, so how could I know and—” she wiped a hand over her forehead, feeling like her face was radiating as much heat as a dwarf star. Apparently it was a night of strange and awkward truths. 

“When the polywater hit,” she clenched her jaw, turning away to resume pacing again, forcing each word out, “I had a grand scheme to confess to her and I didn’t, thank goodness, but my next idea was… proving to myself that I didn’t like men and that meant…” her words trailed off. She felt queasy, but that was hardly a new response when she was forced to relive bad memories. 

Data raised his eyebrows, “So your behavior towards me while under the polywater intoxication was—”

“It was a mistake,” Tasha interrupted gently, staring at the floor, “and I’m sorry I did that to you, I really am. I treated you like an object to use, not as a person.”

Data took another step closer and Tasha looked up. He was smiling slightly.

“You are already forgiven, Tasha,” he said warmly, “I understand that you were not fully yourself.”

She returned the smile, though her eyebrows drew together in the smallest expression of awe. “It’s that simple?” 

He shrugged, “It is impossible for me to take emotional offense. And after I was infected with the sickness, I, too, acted outside my moral programming,” he paused a moment, then added, “A simple mistake. As you said.”

Tasha smiled and looked down, “Thank you, Data,” she furrowed her brow and added carefully, “You won’t tell anyone else about this?”

A small smile quirked on his lips. “It never happened,” he said flatly.

Laughing, Tasha stepped forward to pull the android into a quick hug, relieved enough to relax her usual guards around physical affection. Squeezing him tightly, she said, “You’re a good friend.”

Data returned the pressure of the hug, seeming surprised by her gesture, “As are you, Tasha.”

After she released him, Data made his way to the door and bid her goodnight. Tasha let out a long breath, finished her tea, and headed off to the sonic shower.

She figured that would be the end of it. 

She had clearly underestimated Data. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasha tries not to lose her cool as Deanna is nice to her... she partly succeeds.

The bridge crew was somewhat incomplete today. The captain was taking the morning off since their current course would take them through three days of empty space. This, of course, left Riker to the center chair. Deanna was absent, as well, her usual duties as counselor keeping her occupied. 

Tasha was in the middle of scheduling shifts and creating security teams on the computer console, every now and then tossing a question to Worf. He wasn’t _technically_ security, per se, but the captain seemed to recognize the benefits of a Klingon in a fight, so allowed him to have more interaction with her division than what was strictly called for. So bridge officer Worf merely offered his best insights to her about what personnel were best suited to work together.

“Davidson is one of the better tactical officers,” Worf pointed out, scrolling through the list with a critical eye, “she would make a good lead for team fourteen.”

Tasha nodded. “She and Je’orta work together well, so we’ll put them together.”

Worf said something else, but Tasha’s attention was caught at the sound of the turbolift doors hissing open. It wasn't the time for a shift change… 

Deanna stepped onto the bridge and Tasha could barely contain her surprise.

Riker didn’t seem concerned about masking his surprise, though, and he said loudly, “Counselor! To what do we owe the unexpected visit?”

Deanna’s soft, dark eyes alit with a smile as she made her way over to sit in her usual spot beside the captain’s chair, where she leaned in close in a conspiratorial manner. “Well, I actually have a favor to ask of you, _Commander_ ,” her tone was light and there was some teasing to it as she smiled at the first officer.

Tasha turned her eyes downward to her computer console, forcibly tossing aside a wayward wish that Deanna would look at her that way. . She shook her head and looked at Worf, saying quietly, “Sorry, what were you saying?”

If Worf were human, Tasha would have expected some sort of smirk or eyeroll, but, ever efficient, the Klingon merely repeated his suggestions for security team groupings. Tasha managed to nod along for a few minutes before becoming distracted again, this time by Riker’s loud laughter from the command chair.

“You can’t be serious!” he said, his voice breaking as he chuckled.

Deanna tilted her head to one side, shrugging lightly with a smile that said she was _entirely_ serious. “I think it would be good for him to have someone to look up to. Someone to encourage him, that’s all he really needs. You could be a great help to him.”

Riker sighed, shaking his head. Tasha didn’t know what exactly Deanna wanted him to do but, although she couldn’t see his expression from where she stood, he seemed relaxed enough that he might come around in a minute or two. No one who knew Deanna could really say no to her when she asked politely. Especially because she always had such _good_ reasons for asking.

“But I don’t play the _saxophone_ ,” Riker said, “I play trombone.”

Deanna laughed, “Perhaps. But this isn’t about you giving him lessons, it’s about you encouraging him.” She leaned closer, placing a hand lightly on Riker’s shoulder and saying in a quiet voice, “Please, Will. He _wants_ to play at Ten Forward for jazz night this Thursday but he’s too nervous. Maybe the two of you could…” she raised her eyebrows, “Meet for a drink? Maybe talk about how you got over your stage fright the first time you performed for an audience? Talk about your favorite musicians? Anything. I know he’ll do great once he gets past this.”

Tasha let a tiny smirk creep onto her face. She could practically _see_ Riker’s resolve crumble under Deanna’s softly spoken use of his first name. 

She flitted her eyes back to her console, swallowing back the familiar quiet burn of jealousy and replacing it with a determination to get back to doing her job.

“Tasha thinks it’s a good idea,” Deanna said suddenly, startling her out of her concentration. 

Deanna and Tasha’s eyes for a second before the security officer cleared her throat and looked toward her commanding officer. 

Riker was staring back at her, a half-smile of surprise and amusement tugging at his lips.

“Is that so, Lieutenant Yar?” he asked, the use of her rank and last name making his tone sound incredibly serious, though he was still smiling.

“Well, I—” she cleared her throat again, saying levelly, “I didn’t mean to overhear, commander.”

Riker laughed, looking at Deanna pointedly, “I’m sure you couldn’t help it, Lieutenant, but do you really think it’s a good idea?”

Tasha raised her eyebrows in a manner far too petulant for her to be addressing her commanding officer, “Well, Counselor Troi seems to that think I do. And she’s the professional, after all.”

Riker’s laughter doubled and he shook his head, putting his hands up in a surrender gesture. “Alright, alright,” he glanced once more at Tasha before looking back at Deanna, “I’ll talk to Ensign Keegan, happy?”

Deanna’s smile grew. “Incredibly,” she said, rising from her seat and walking around as if heading back to the turbolift. But instead of leaving, she diverted her path to walk over to Tasha.

Tasha smiled a little as Deanna approached, but tried her best to look busy.

Deanna leaned against the security console, smiling at Tasha and whispering, “Thanks for the backup.”

Oh, that smile. Tasha couldn’t contain a grin of her own at the mere sight.

She rolled her eyes, saying, in what she meant to be an annoyed tone, but failed to be more than a lightly teasing. “Just warn me next time you want me to argue with my commanding officer, okay?”

Deanna scoffed a little, her eyes glancing down toward Riker fondly. “He wasn’t about to argue, he just needed one last reason to say yes.” She leaned toward Tasha, her voice growing even quieter, “He’d already decided he was going to help. But it’s always about image with him.” She rolled her eyes in an exaggerated way. 

Tasha laughed, trying to keep quiet but not entirely succeeding. 

Deanna touched Tasha’s shoulder lightly before walking away, turning to give her one last smile as she stepped onto the turbolift. 

Tasha was still grinning as she looked down at her console. Worf was still a few feet away, she realized. He’d witnessed the whole thing but, if he had noticed anything strange about Tasha’s behavior, he didn’t show it.

She felt that her skin might spark if anyone else touched her shoulder where Deanna’s hand had been. There was a warmth that lingered there.

She went back to flipping through lists of names, though, saying quietly, “Worf, what do you think we should do for our Saturday away-team exercises?”

***

Tasha stifled a yawn as she wandered into Ten Forward. It was early afternoon, but she had been up since 0600 and desperately required coffee. Luckily enough, she wasn’t on duty tomorrow so she would finally have a chance to relax. And nothing –barring shipwide disaster, which was unfortunately less uncommon than she liked to think– was going to prevent her from enjoying a quiet day on the holodeck.

As she walked to the bar she was only half-mindful of who was around her, something a younger version of herself would have described as “too trusting” but she now simply called “caffeine deficiency,” and was startled by someone suddenly calling her name.

“Tasha! Over here!” She easily recognized Deanna’s voice over the low murmurings of conversation and soft music. 

Tasha whipped her head around, her eyes scanning the room until she caught sight of the counselor’s smiling face. 

Deanna’s dark curls fell naturally around her shoulders and she waved a little when Tasha’s eyes met hers. She raised her eyebrows and nodded to the empty seat across from her. 

Tasha felt momentarily nervous but she returned Deanna’s smile,nodding once to indicate that she would be there in a moment. She turned around to order her coffee. 

By the time she got her drink, she’d managed to run her mind through as much of her anxiety as she could and had pushed it to the side. There was no reason to feel nervous, she and Deanna spent time together outside of work, it wasn’t unusual.

Granted, normally there were… others. Beverly, Data, Geordi, and, of course, Riker. 

The only time it had ever been just the two of them was during counseling sessions. 

Which Tasha had stopped scheduling. 

Because she had realized what her feelings toward Deanna actually _were._

Turning to walk to the table with her mug, Tasha let out a quick breath, forcing a smile into place. As she got closer, the smile pulled at her lips more naturally at the sight of the half-finished chocolate sundae in front of Deanna.

Deanna looked at her warmly over the edge of her mug which, if Tasha knew her at all, contained a special recipe of hot chocolate which the counselor herself had devised. “Successful day on the bridge?” she asked, smiling.

Tasha sat down heavily, letting out an exaggerated sigh, “If by ‘successful’ you mean ‘incredibly dull’, then yes.”

Laughing, Deanna’s eyebrows went up, “As a security officer, wouldn’t the ‘dull’ days be preferred?”

“Well,” Tasha said, shrugging, “I’m not saying it has to be phaser shootouts and red alerts. But there wasn’t so much as a missing cat or anything!”

Deanna giggled, setting her mug down, “I think just about any officer on this ship would envy you. I was talking to Geordi earlier about all the work going on down in the engine room and Beverly was telling me about some kind of cold that’s making its way through the kids onboard.”

Tasha frowned, “Are they alright?” 

“Yes, it’s nothing but sniffles and a bit of congestion,” Deanna said, scraping her spoon along the outside of her ice cream bowl. She looked up at Tasha momentarily as she lifted a bite of fudgy dessert to her lips, seeming to consider for a moment before she spoke again, setting the spoon back down without eating. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable on the bridge today.”

Tasha furrowed her brow, shrugging. “No, of course you didn’t,” she smiled a little, giving Deanna a teasing look, “Wouldn’t you _know_ if you made me uncomfortable?”

Deanna tilted her head, smiling, “Well, I wasn’t sure. I know you don’t _like_ the idea of someone being able to read your thoughts, and I do try to respect that.”

Tasha leaned in, unable to keep herself from asking, “So how much _do_ you sense from people?”

“Like you?” Deanna asked, leaning in, mirroring Tasha’s movement.

Tasha looked down, feeling faint embarrassment burn into her cheeks. She let a soft chuckle escape even as she moved back so she wasn’t leaning quite so close to the counselor. “Sure. Like me.”

Deanna pulled a very thoughtful face, “Right now? Curiousity. Nervousness.”

Tasha blushed further, laughing and hiding her face behind her coffee.

“But I try not to pry, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Deanna said gently, finally allowing herself to take a bite of her ice cream as she gave Tasha an understanding smile.

Tasha nodded a little, sipping her coffee and hoping the redness in her cheeks would go away quickly. “So you just pick up whatever people are feeling most strongly?”

Deanna smiled, shrugging a little. “Something like that. But not quite,” she hesitated a moment before she continued, her eyes thoughtful, “Every person is different. Some carry their emotions openly and others are more wrapped up under layers. And it depends on who they’re with and how comfortable they feel around me,” she met Tasha’s eyes, saying, “Some people I just can’t read well, no matter what.”

Tasha’s heart stuttered a little as Deanna’s dark eyes fixed on hers and she smirked a little, quirking an eyebrow upwards, “Was that directed at me, counselor?”

Deanna pushed her spoon around the outside of the ice cream bowl, speaking casually, “You tend to be a very guarded person. It's something that helps you, especially in your line of work.”

“I sense a ‘but’,” Tasha said, leaning back in her chair. She kept her light tone and smile but couldn't help but feel a little bit like she was being counseled.

Deanna sat up straight, her curls bouncing with the movement. “But,” she said, a smile tugging at her lips, “you also seem to… strategize your personal interactions,” she shrugged though, quick to add, “That's not a bad thing. As long as you have an outlet for your emotions, such as a confidant you feel you can speak openly to. Or really any way to express your emotions unhindered.”

Tasha raised her eyebrows, looking down at her coffee. “I didn't mean for this to turn into a therapy session, counselor.”

Deanna blinked, looking startled for a half-second before she leaned in, trying to catch Tasha’s gaze with her own. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so technical,” she lifted her mug, “Let's change the subject. How's that book I recommended coming along?”

Tasha let out a breath, taking a sip of her coffee with a guilty glance at Deanna. 

Deanna caught the look and laughed, raising her eyebrows. “Or, I guess, what's wrong with it?”

“Nothing!” Tasha exclaimed, setting down her coffee, “I just… I don't feel _anything_ for the main character. Nothing. I'm just annoyed that he keeps interrupting the other characters.”

Deanna grinned, “Annoyance is a feeling.”

Tasha rolled her eyes, “You know what I mean.”

“Alright,” Deanna set her mug down beside her bowl and resting her hands on the table, “so why not read it to find out about what happens to the other characters?”

“I would,” Tasha said, smirking and looking down. For a moment her gaze traced along Deanna's slender fingers, wondering vaguely what would happen if she reached over and took that hand in her own. She reached for her mug instead, running her fingertips along the handle as she continued, “but the author is such a self-important ass. I can hardly stand it.”

Deanna laughed, “And now you're wondering why I recommended it to you in the first place?”

Tasha tilted her head to one side. “I mean… I was starting to think I'd missed something. I think I checked to make sure it was the right book about four times.”

Deanna’s grin widened and she shook her head. “In that case, I’ll ruin the surprise,” she blinked, bringing up her mug and glancing over to Tasha with a playful spark in her eyes. “Skip to part two, I think you’ll find things improve _immensely_.”

Tasha’s eyebrows shot up, “Why’s that?”

“Halfway through writing it, the original author died. His sister found his manuscript and… finished it for him,” Deanna said, seeming satisfied with herself as Tasha’s face changed to a look of amusement.

“Let me guess,” Tasha said, “no more full-page monologues?” 

Deanna shrugged, looking down into her ice cream with an air of mystery. “You’ll have to read it.”

Tasha laughed, nodding, “I think I will.”

Deanna’s dark eyes looked up through long lashes and she smiled at Tasha, “Let me know how it goes.”

If Tasha had any less self control she would have blushed right then and there. As it was, she was smiling uncontrollably and glancing away, her hand bringing her coffee up to her lips even as she realized the mug was empty.

For a second it all felt… tangible. This thing she felt for Deanna, the silly fantasies she had of all the things it could _mean_ and all the things it could lead to if she only opened her mouth and spoke honestly… It was all there within her reach.

The next moment, though, Tasha got ahold of herself. She realized that now that her coffee was empty, it might be strange to sit around much longer. The table for two which she and Deanna sat at seemed suddenly too intimate. Too close.

Smiling politely, Tasha tilted her head and lifted the empty mug, saying simply, “I… I should go.”

Deanna raised her eyebrows, “You don’t have to. I enjoy your company, Tasha.”

Tasha’s smile grew, a warm glow seeming to illuminate in her chest at the words. She _wanted_ to stay here and for a moment, she was tempted. “Maybe another time, I…” she hesitated, sliding out of her seat as she spoke, “I have some security reports to look over before I go off-duty tomorrow.”

Nodding, Deanna looked unperturbed by this excuse. “Alright. I’ll see you later, then,” she said, “Are you coming to jazz night on Thursday?”

“Um,” Tasha said slowly, backing away from the table with a shrug and a half-smile, “Maybe!” Before Deanna could press her further, she ended the conversation with a, “Have a good night, Deanna!” 

Turning away from the table, Tasha moved quickly over to drop her mug in a bin with the rest of the dirty dishes, then retreated out the door. 

Only once she was in the corridor and heading back to her room did she allow herself a long sigh and a momentary slip of emotion. Deanna’s words about… enjoying her company. The way she’d said Tasha’s name and… 

Tasha stepped into an empty turbolift and leaned against the back wall as soon as the doors hissed closed behind her, letting out another heavy sigh. 

At least Deanna didn’t know. That was her saving grace right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for continuing to read, I hope you've enjoyed this so far!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasha, begrudgingly, allows Data to hatch a plan... a plan she wasn't aware she needed... a plan that will probably end badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Data's a dear sweet boy and I love him. That's all, that's all you gotta know about this chapter.

The sun in the holoprogram was warm, peaking out momentarily between the clouds as Tasha hiked. The air itself was colder, with a morning mist that hadn’t quite burned off yet. Breathing deeply, she stopped a moment to look out over the lush green landscape of trees below her, at least what she could see through the light mist. Some had leaves that were beginning to change color to orange and yellow, but many more were still a vibrant green. She smiled with satisfaction, then kept moving upward, the path venturing away from her lookout point and further into the trees. 

“Tasha!” a voice called from behind her.

Frowning, Tasha glanced over her shoulder, her eyes following the path as far back as she could.

The figure moving through the trees was still in uniform, the bright gold clashing against the background of earthy tones. It only took Tasha a glance to recognize the pale white skin and dark hair of the approaching figure. 

She frowned, planting her hands on her hips and turning around to face him fully. “Data, what are you doing here?”

It couldn’t be a security alert, they would have contacted her through her comm. She dreaded the alternative, that this was a personal call, almost as much… if not more.

Data’s lips tilted in a small smile as he approached. “I hoped to talk to you,” he said, his voice strangely level despite the exertion of hiking a mountain, “about an idea I had.”

Tasha raised a single eyebrow. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

Data’s brow furrowed in confusion, “It was not my intention to worry you.”

“It’s…” Tasha stopped herself, biting her lip, “You’re fine. Please, tell me your idea.”

He took a breath, saying quickly, “I have been considering your dilemma and I believe I have a possible solution.”

Tasha’s other brow arched upward and she stared at Data for a moment, “What dilemma?”

“Your inability to express your true feelings to Counselor Troi,” Data said flatly, “I believe it stems from—”

Tasha held up a hand to stop the android from continuing, cutting him off with a loud interjection, “Excuse me, but _when_ did we decide that this was a dilemma that needed a solution?” She widened her stance and tightened her shoulders, the part of her mind dedicated to being prepared for a fight at the slightest disagreement jerking involuntarily into action.

Data looked at her with caution, and she assumed he had caught onto her hostility, because his next words were delivered with slightly more tact. “When we spoke before you expressed a…” he paused, his eyebrows twitching as he thought, “you termed it ‘mortification’ at the prospect of others finding out about your attraction to Deanna, but you also expressed a confusion as to what, in your words, ‘to make of it’. I took this as confusion surrounding the proper course of action you ought to take in this circumstance, due to your inexperience with romance.”

Ok, yes, he had a little more tact than last time. But not a lot. It still sounded like he was listing off a medical history. 

Tasha sighed heavily and addressed the computer before answering Data’s question. “Computer, switch to program Yar-Five.” As the landscape faded around them, Tasha looked at Data levelly. “Data, contrary to your opinion, I _do_ have a course of action,” she pulled off the backpack she had been carrying and tossed it on the ground by her feet, which had transformed into a quiet garden path with benches on either side. She turned and sat down on one of the benches, shrugging. “And that’s to not tell anyone _ever_ and wait for,” she paused, gesturing lamely at herself, “ _whatever_ it is I’m feeling to just… pass.”

Data frowned, glancing around the holoprogram, “That is not a realistic course of action, Tasha.”

“No, you know what’s not realistic?” Tasha said, laughing, “Expecting me to tell Deanna and ruin a perfectly good friendship.”

Data pursed his lips, sitting down beside Tasha on the bench. “It would seem that your worries about her finding out is putting a strain on the very friendship you claim to be protecting.”

Tasha tightened her jaw and looked away, muttering tersely. “It’s nothing. Better than facing the humiliation of…” she trailed off with a sigh, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees, cradling her head in her hands.

“Of Deanna not reciprocating your feelings?” Data finished. 

She scoffed, still staring down at the ground. “The last thing I need is for her to feel uncomfortable.”

For a moment, Data was quiet, then he said, in a light tone, “I have watched Deanna in interactions with many colleagues who have in the past shown romantic interest in her. She has always conducted herself with great kindness and understanding, even if she does not return those feelings.”

“That’s just _it_ ,” Tasha said, raking her fingers through her hair as she sighed again, “I know she would be so _nice_ about it. And then _I_ would be the one with a problem, not her.”

“It appears that you are currently in that same situation,” Data pointed out.

Tasha frowned and lifted her head to glance at him in confusion.

The android shrugged, “As long as you continue trying to conceal your feelings, you are the one with a problem,” his head tilted a little bit and he added, “and so there seems little you can lose by telling her.”

She took a deep breath, leaning against the back of the bench and turning the thought over in her mind. It didn’t help that Data was being so damn reasonable about it, and she’d be lying if she said the idea of getting this ridiculousness off her chest didn’t appeal to her on some level. At this point she was sitting and waiting for her feelings to fade while maintaining a sliver of hope that Deanna might feel the same. There was always going to be a part of her heart, regardless of how small, convinced that she and Deanna were… somehow possible.

Unless Deanna told her otherwise. Or _showed_ her otherwise.

Data spoke again, thoughtfully this time, “Due to her empathic abilities, it is possible that Deanna already knows.”

Tasha smiled, shaking her head. “I asked her, she said she couldn’t sense much more than surface-level feelings from me,” she shrugged as she added, quietly, “She said she just can’t read certain people.”

“It is possible she was lying,” Data said, “I doubt she would want to say something to embarrass you.”

Tasha pursed her lips, “You mean she could be waiting for me to step up to my feelings on my own before she shuts me down?” 

She meant it sarcastically. She was sure that Deanna didn’t have any ill-will toward her.

Well… _mostly_ sure. There was a nagging, pessimistic part of her mind that whispered how Deanna would scoff at her if she ever knew. If not be outrightly uncomfortable.

Data’s head bobbed and he looked thoughtfully at Tasha, “I do not think she would do anything to cause you discomfort. Even if she does not return the affection, I believe it would be better to let the truth come out than to continue avoiding it.”

Tasha pursed her lips, her eyes taking in the peace of the artificially generated world around her. Distantly, she could hear the sound of waves crashing against a shore. She knew that if she kept following the path down it would lead her to a rocky beachside and toward a particular spot she had taken to sitting, sometimes with a book in hand and sometimes without any distractions. 

She liked the ocean. Had from the first time she had seen one as a too-skinny fifteen-year-old, as she came stumbling off the transport ship with nothing to call her own. There was something in its vastness. Its seemingly never ending horizon line pulled up a sense of calm in her that still lingered. Maybe it was the sense of smallness against the eternity. The idea of… chasing a distance that could never be crossed. Something like that. It had ultimately drawn her to the stars, but nothing could really compare to the peace of the ocean.

Lately she’d been chasing that peace more and more often. She would pace up and down or grumble her frustration until the tide swept it away and she could sit down at the edge and _think_. 

Think about things she wanted to say and wouldn’t. Think about what _might_ be if she actually had the guts to say something. Think about quiet days and soft smiles that didn’t _belong_ to her and, really, only lived in her imagination.

She remembered something one of her Academy professors had said once… that thinking could only take you so far. That eventually action was required. A choice had to be made, and even if consequences followed, it was usually better than doing nothing at all.

Exhaling a breath, Tasha looked at Data and asked, in a low voice, “You said you had a solution to the… me telling Deanna issue?”

He looked surprised, but answered immediately. “A possible solution, yes.” He looked around, “It involves the holodeck.”

Tasha raised her eyebrows. 

“So what’s the plan and how long will it take?”

Data hesitated a moment before answering, “That will depend on how quickly we can write a holoprogram fitting the situation.”

Tasha allowed herself a halfway smile, saying quietly, “What if I meet you here tomorrow after my bridge shift is over?”

Data nodded, “That would be sufficient.”

Rising to her feet, Tasha smirked, “Now get out of here, I have a mountain I’m supposed to be hiking.”

He frowned as he stood up.“I will… see you tomorrow, then.”

Tasha nodded once in farewell as he turned and walked away, requesting an exit from the computer as he did. As soon as he left, Tasha turned and picked up her backpack, her stomach turning with the sudden realization of what the hell she had just agreed to.

Oh, shit, _what the hell had she just agreed to_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geordi is a good friend and a wonderful person, but this isn't exactly how Tasha wanted to tell him about her crush...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware of rose petal cannons.

The computer told Tasha that Data was already in the holodeck and running a program when she arrived, so she simply stepped through the doors and hoped for the best. 

A gust of flower petals blew in her face, forcing a loud, shrieking gasp to escape her mouth before she could fully realize what was happening.

Even before her shock had worn off enough for her to look around, she heard an unexpected, and simultaneously mortifying, voice speaking.

“Oh, sorry, Tash, didn’t mean to scare you,” Geordi La Forge said, tossing her a quick smile.

Geordi was, arguably the _last_ person Tasha wanted to see in the middle of her “romancing Deanna Troi” holoprogram, and yet there he stood only a few feet away, his hands working diligently at the arch, programming the environment around them. 

“Data! We forgot to remove the flower petals!” he called, directing the loud statement to a gazebo on the far end of the flowery meadow in which Tasha found herself.

Tasha’s face felt hot with embarrassment as she stepped forward, her hands clenching.

“Geordi, what are you doing here?” she asked, her voice tight.

He shrugged a little, a rueful smile on his face, “I was looking for Data. I wanted to show him a model I’ve been working on for engineering, hoping to pick his brain a little bit and…” he hesitated as he looked up, seeming to notice her discomfort with his presence, his smile looking more nervous now, “walked in on him working on this program.” 

Tasha’s eyebrows rose, her mind racing.

“And he told you what it was for?”

Geordi shook his head. “Wouldn’t say a word. But unfortunately our Data isn’t much a of liar, either, and I kinda figured it out on my own.” When Tasha only bit her lip and looked away, fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Geordi smiled teasingly, speaking in a low voice, “He still hasn’t told me who you’re doing this for, you know. That’s the one part I _haven’t_ figured out.”

Tasha snorted with frustration. “I can’t believe this,” she muttered, staring at the gazebo across the field and seriously considering whether or not to go and demand answers from Data.

“Tasha,” Geordi said, getting her attention with a soft voice. When she turned to meet his gaze, he wasn’t typing on the arch anymore, his full attention on her. “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave,” he shrugged again, adding sincerely, “Either way, your secret is safe with me. You know that, right?”

Sighing, Tasha shook her head. “I just…” she hesitated, unsure of how to voice her feelings. 

It was just… a few days ago she hadn’t had any intentions of telling Deanna, then all of a sudden Data came along with this plan that was probably doomed-to-fail. And now _Geordi_ knew about it, at least part of it, and it felt like everything was slipping out of her grasp before it had even begun. 

Geordi raised his eyebrows over his visor and said, “You’re just not sure you wanted anyone else in on the plan?”

Tasha scoffed, but nodded anyway. “Something like that,” she murmured, looking around the holodeck, “Not that I don’t appreciate the help.”

He smiled widely and put a hand on her shoulder. “Well, that’s what I’m here for,” he leaned in conspiratorially and said in a low tone, “You should have seen this place when I got here. Data means well, but he can have some… issues understanding what’s appropriate. This place was halfway to a church cathedral, I would have thought he was planning a wedding.”

This drew laughter from Tasha and she relaxed a little, looking across the green to where Data was emerging from the gazebo and walking slowly across to where she and Geordi were standing.

“Well,” she said slowly, “in that case, I guess I should thank you. I think wedding is jumping a bit far for a first… date…”

Geordi’s eyebrows raised at the sound of her hesitation. 

“What’s the matter?” he asked, the ghost of a teasing tone coloring his voice, “Not sure if it’s a date?”

Tasha rolled her shoulders in a shrug, “Not sure if… the person I’m bringing here will want it to be.”

“Well,” he said, removing his hand from her shoulder to keep typing commands into the program, “if it’s any consolation, I personally think you’ll have a good shot.”

Frowning, Tasha gave Geordi a confused look, “Why’s that?”

He laughed, as if it were obvious, and looked at her. “I don’t know, Tash,” he said, smiling, “Maybe because… you don’t open up to a lot of people. And the people you _do_ open up to are fortunate to have you.” He shrugged, looking away, “It sounds corny.”

“No, no, it’s…” she hesitated, trying to come up with the right words. People didn’t… She wasn’t good with compliments. “It’s a nice… sentiment.”

Geordi chuckled, shaking his head a little as he continued typing on the arch’s control panel, “And you don’t believe a word of it, huh?”

Tasha laughed, shrugging. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”

By now, Data was approaching the arch, his bright eyes glancing between Tasha and Geordi with uncertainty.

“I am sorry I did not warn you about Geordi’s arrival,” he said, his gaze settling apologetically on Tasha, “but I did not think you would want to risk the bridge crew hearing that we were working on a holodeck program together.”

Tasha sighed, nodding, “I understand, Data.”

Data’s brow furrowed and his head tilted by the barest degree, “Then… you are not bothered that Geordi knows about this program?”

She chuckled a little, shrugging. 

“You two work together well, so I’m not complaining,” she let out a quick exhale, muttering, “No matter how this plan turns out, I guess everyone’s gonna know about it afterwards, right?”

Data looked puzzled by the negativity in her voice, but before he could respond, Geordi spoke up.

“Hey, Tash, I could use your input over here,” he said, and the tone of his voice suggested he was trying to distract her from the possible outcomes of the plan.

Glancing over, Tasha took a couple steps closer, raising her eyebrows.

Geordi tapped a few commands into the programming arch and the sky above them transitioned from a clear blue afternoon to the glowing golds, reds, and purples of sunset. After the changes implemented themselves, Geordi looked over and asked, “What do you prefer for the lighting?” he smiled a little and looked around, “Personally, I like the sunset.”

Tasha laughed, looking around, trying to picture walking through the soft shadows with Deanna at her side. In her head it felt comfortable, perfect…

But…

“I think,” she said finally, letting out a breath, “I don’t want to come on too strong,” she looked back at Geordi, “Maybe something more… relaxed.”

He nodded once and turned back to the arch, saying as he worked, “Think brunch date not candlelit dinner?”

She nodded in agreement, “Exactly.”

Data was frowning and looking around as the light levels returned to the previous clear blue skies. He looked at Tasha and Geordi and said, “I did not realize that the time of day could have such an impact on the atmosphere of a date.”

Geordi laughed, still tapping away. “Well, what can I say, humans are weird that way, Data.”

Tasha smiled, but said nothing.

Because, dammit, _she_ barely understood humans. Data’s confusion mirrored her own half the time.

As she, Data, and Geordi continued to work for the next hour on the holoprogram, she became only further convinced that she was _thoroughly_ under qualified to create a romantic setting. _Especially_ one that was supposed to help her get comfortable enough to say something to Deanna about how she felt.

She’d spent less than half of her life among “civilized” human beings. The first fifteen years had been spent among people she didn’t trust or want to know. She’d understood her place though, and understood what those around her wanted (food, water, shelter, sex) enough to either fight or run from them. 

Romantic relationships had… never worked for her. Most of her time at the Academy had been spent pushing herself to achieve and work harder. She’d wanted to be the best, the toughest, the one with the top marks. Any man who’d managed to get close enough to ask her out had shown more interest in her than she had in them. The dates she went on were one-time events. 

When she was assigned as chief of security for the Enterprise, it was the happiest achievement of her life. A new ship, a new captain, and a new crew. It felt like a fresh start for her.

And, somewhere in the back of her mind, there was the hope of… someone special coming along. A vague, vague hope. 

Her nervousness when she met Deanna had seemed natural at first. Of course she would be nervous about talking to a Betazoid who could read her mind. That was everything she’d been afraid of while growing up. When your thoughts are the only private part of your life, of course those would be guarded.

But Deanna didn’t make her nervous about sharing her thoughts. She was the epitome of non-threatening and trustworthy. The first time Tasha had gone to one of her counseling sessions, she’d felt more at peace with her thoughts than she had with any other therapist, and she’d had _many_ over the course of her recovery. 

By the time Tasha had tracked down the source of her nervousness, it felt like a photon torpedo to the chest. It was being caught suddenly by the shape of Deanna’s smile and the sound of her voice and the pounding of Tasha’s own heart in her chest. It wasn’t like any feeling Tasha had ever felt for any man in her life and it felt so suddenly _real_. All the things she’d tried to force herself to feel for men, the things she thought she was _supposed_ to feel, it had never amounted to anything close to this…

And within a day of realizing her own feelings, she had become determined to hide them. Even if it was a practice in futility, Deanna was a Betazoid after all. 

Yet time had gone on and Deanna had said nothing. Even when Tasha had almost told her while under the polywater intoxication, holding Deanna’s hand in her own, gazing into those dark eyes like they were the only two people in all the universe, Deanna still had shown no sign of knowing the truth.

Maybe Data had been right. Maybe Deanna _did_ know and didn’t want to make Tasha uncomfortable that she didn’t return her feelings. Maybe this was the tipping point where they both acknowledged what Deanna had known from the start.

Tasha wasn’t sure if the thought comforted or _terrified_ her.

As they finished for the night, adding a last touch in the form of chocolate fondue and steaming cups of coffee to a small table, where two people could sit and look out over a quiet lake populated with a flock of ducks, Tasha sighed and sat down on the steps of the gazebo, looking across the field with a sense of accomplishment. The program wasn’t… quite there. She wanted to make it perfect, and there was still something more that it needed, she just wasn’t sure what. 

There were holograms of people wandering quietly along paths around the lake, winding into the shade of trees, but none strayed closer to the gazebo than they were meant to. She’d wanted to make it seem like a peaceful park like back on Earth, but with fewer people.

There was the sound of footfalls behind her, and Tasha looked up to see Geordi. He huffed out a breath and sat down beside her, his gaze focused on the park around them, a smile on his face.

“Not bad, lieutenant, not bad at all,” he said softly.

Tasha snorted at his use of her rank, but answered sincerely. “Thanks for your help.”

He glanced at her. “It was nothing, Tash,” he said, his smile widening. “I’m still trying to figure out who you’re trying so hard to impress,” he joked, chuckling.

Blushing slightly, Tasha looked away but said nothing.

“Must be someone really special,” he said, clearly trying to sway her into saying who.

Chewing on her lower lip, she nodded a little.

What was the harm? Maybe actually having to _tell_ someone (as opposed to Data’s figuring it out on his own) would prepare her for the real thing.

“It’s…” Tasha hesitated, her eyes looking resolutely away from Geordi so he wouldn’t see how embarrassed she was, “It’s for Deanna.”

For a second, Geordi said nothing.

Tasha shook her head, laughing at his silence. “You must think I’m really dumb,” she muttered, a bitter edge to her words.

Hell, _she_ thought she was probably dumb.

“You’re not, don’t say that,” Geordi assured her.

Her eyebrows rose and she still wasn’t looking at Geordi, but down at the toes of her boots. “Even though she and Riker are…” she faded out, unsure how to end the sentence. Officially, Riker and Deanna weren’t _anything_ , but the entire bridge crew knew better.

She felt Geordi shrug, his shoulder brushing hers just barely because of how closely they were sitting.

“If he’s too stupid to make a move, you might as well try,” he said.

“But you don’t think it’s gonna work,” Tasha said, a note of finality in her voice. If he agreed then at least she could rest assured that this plan was, indeed, doomed, and she could stop pretending that it would ever work.

“Hey, I never said that,” Geordi said quickly, and Tasha could swear she could feel his eyes on her, “I stand by my first statement, you have a good chance.”

Tasha furrowed her brow, finally turning to look at him, “How do you figure? Riker and her are… _obvious_.”

Geordi was smiling a little, shaking his head. “Maybe. But I also know that when you and Deanna are together…” he shrugged, “I’m no love expert, but she’s happy.”

“Well,” Tasha shrugged, “she’s happy around him, too.”

Geordi frowned, tilting his head a little (such a Data-like gesture that Tasha almost laughed), “I dunno. It seems different when she’s with you. It’s like… she’s happy and she wants you to feel the same.”

Tasha smiled a little, sighing as she looked away. A hundred easy explanations for Deanna’s behavior swirled within her reach, but she didn’t voice any of them. It would only turn into an endless back and forth. She looked around the holoprogram and said, by way of changing the subject, “What if we added a band? Like the ones that play at open-air venues?” she nodded straight across the lake. “Right over there, so the sound of it kinda… echoes over?”

Geordi didn’t say anything about the sudden change, only nodded his agreement, “I like it. What genre are you thinking?”

Tasha shrugged a little, words failing her at this moment.

He hadn’t agreed. When she asked if the plan was doomed, he hadn’t agreed. Why did that scare her so much more than surefire disappointment?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read this far THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I'm truly, truly hoping that you've enjoyed the fic (if you haven't yet told me so in the comments, which I dearly hope you have, I treasure comments and hang them on my fridge.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Jazz Night in Ten Forward, and the whole place is hopping. Tasha makes a split second decision and really, really hopes she won't regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could write a fic where William Riker is just replaced by a large trombone that speaks in trombone noises I would because trying to write him when I don't like him is very, very difficult. :P

Ten Forward was buzzing with life as Tasha walked in. She looked around, trying to find an empty seat.

Jazz night, of course, was one of the more popular events for the ship. With a majority of the crew being human, it was natural for people to seek comfort in familiarity, especially when their missions took them far away from home for months at a time.

From across the room, she spotted Deanna and Beverly sitting at a table together. Deanna looked up, as if she could sense Tasha’s gaze, and smiled, waving for Tasha to join them. She could see the Betazoid’s lips moving as she said something to Beverly, who also turned around to smile at Tasha.

Tasha grinned back, waving a little as she picked her way carefully through the crowd.

A thrill of nervousness shot through her as she approached but she tried to calm it. Her plan was to ask Deanna the first chance she got alone with her… 

Tonight was the night.

As Tasha sat down in one of the table’s empty seats, she glanced over to the stage, where a few people walked back and forth, setting up the sound equipment for the performances. She leaned on the table and said, “Looking like a packed house tonight.”

Deanna smiled widely at Tasha, “Glad to see you decided to join in on the fun before someone stole your seat.”

Tasha laughed a little, shrugging, trying not to be fully dazzled by Deanna’s smile and failing, “Well, when it came down to it, I needed an excuse to get away from my paperwork.”

Beverly raised her glass, nodding her appreciation. “Now that’s a sentiment I’ll drink to,” she said, taking a sip of her bright purple drink.

“What’s Wesley doing tonight?” Deanna asked, turning her attention to Beverly.

“Oh,” the doctor chuckled and raised her eyebrows, “I think this week it’s… surfing in the holodeck?” her smile widened and she added, knowingly, “Or trying to, at least.”

Tasha snorted at the look on Beverly’s face. “I guess that’s not going well for him?”

Beverly shook her head, laughing. “No, but he’s having fun. There’s a whole group of kids from his class who go with him,” she sighed, setting her drink down, “I don’t know how he finds the time. When I was his age, if I spent as much time in the holodeck as he did, I’d end up behind on my classwork, but he somehow manages to get it all finished!”

“Maybe he’s just motivated,” Deanna suggested, her eyebrows raising, the quirk of a smile on her lips, “Perhaps there’s someone he’s eager to see?”

Beverly laughed again, “I’ve _asked_ about crushes, he won’t tell me anything,” she snorted, shrugging, “but, then, I’m his mother. Why would he tell me!” 

Deanna nodded, “Being young seemed much more complicated when we _were_ that age, didn’t it?” she laughed, “And for some reason hiding things from my mother seemed a necessity…”

“Oh, god,” Beverly scoffed, leaning back in her chair wistfully, “I remember sneaking romance holonovels and hoping my parents wouldn’t see them!”

Deanna leaned forward, her eyebrows raised. “ _You_ snuck steamy holonovels?”

Beverly smirked in an ineffable manner and calmly stated, “I snuck steamy holonovels. My best friend’s older sister would lend them to me…”

As Beverly continued her story, Tasha allowed her attention to slip somewhat. Exchanging funny stories from teenage years wasn’t really something she could participate in, after all. So, instead, she focused on waving down a waitress and putting in her drink order. 

But, just as she was thanking the waitress and turning back to the table, Deanna said her name, just loud enough to force her attention.

“Tasha’s been spending rather a lot of time in the holodeck, too.”

Looking over sharply, Tasha’s eyebrows shot upwards. “Hm?” she glanced carefully between Deanna and Beverly, who were both wearing expressions she didn’t trust.

Beverly, almost smirking, spoke in a light tone, “That she has,” she raised one eyebrow and said, deceptively conversational, “What have you been up to, Tasha?”

Tasha laughed, shrugging, “Just… a couple programs. Geordi and Data were helping me build one, actually.”

“Oh, Geordi was helping?” Beverly asked innocuously, her smile widening as she looked at Deanna. 

Deanna returned Beverly’s look with significance, but said nothing.

By now Tasha was getting confused. She raised her eyebrows higher, looking from Deanna to Beverly, “Are you two trying to say that… me and Geordi are…” she drifted off, gesturing vaguely with her hands because she really wasn’t sure _what_ they were trying to say.

Beverly shrugged. “He’s a good looking man. Funny, intelligent, pleasant to be around,” she took a sip of her drink and said, as an aside, a playful smile on her lips, “If I had the chance, I’d scoop him up.”

Tasha snorted with laughter, shaking her head in a non-stop movement as she spoke, “No, no, you’ve got it _all_ wrong. We’re…” she took a breath, still laughing, and she could feel the burn of embarrassment in her cheeks, “we’re just friends.”

Deanna laughed, “I’d give up, Beverly,” she said, looking at Tasha with raised eyebrows, “she’s telling the truth.”

Beverly sighed in an overdramatic fashion and shook her head, “Oh, damn, I was hoping for some good news,” she looked from Tasha to Deanna with a thoughtful expression, “Is it just me or does being a chief officer only make personal lives more difficult?”

Tasha thought she knew where Beverly was going with this, and nodded. “Comes with the territory.”

Deanna furrowed her brows, tilting her head to one side, “What do you mean?”

Tasha smirked, “Well, when you’re supposed to be the boss of a whole subsection of the ship, it can make finding friends harder.” 

“And don’t forget,” Beverly laughed a little, leaning in, “makes romance near impossible. If I were to get involved with someone lower ranked than me, even if they didn’t work under me, I feel like things would just… get complicated.”

Tasha shrugged. “I can see that,” she murmured. A waiter walked up and she gratefully accepted her drink. As he walked away she added, in a low voice, “but you know limiting yourself to only dating people of the same rank is a good way to end up lonely.”

Beverly rolled her eyes, lifting her drink in a toast. “Unfortunately, I absolutely know.”

“I think that’s an intensely negative point of view,” Deanna said, her voice just shy of chiding, looking at both of them with a frown. She spread her hands and made a small gesture around the bar, “Are you saying, out of all the people on board this ship, that you would deny yourself an honest emotional connection just because you were a higher rank?”

“I’m saying,” Beverly said calmly, “that you can have all the emotional connection in the world but still fall apart because one of you had to give the other orders that they didn’t agree with,” she raised her glass to take a drink but stopped to add, “I think that’s why the captain avoids romance with those on his crew.”

Deanna looked down and Tasha caught a glimpse of a secretive little smile tugging at her lips, as if she’d heard a joke that no one else had caught. When she looked up, though, she was impassive, “And do you feel the same way, Tasha?”

Tasha let out a quick breath, looking thoughtfully down at the table, trying to decide how to phrase her answer, “I…” she smiled a little, “I don’t normally think of it that way. But I don’t disagree with that point.”

Beverly looked surprised, “Oh?”

“Security is a difficult, dangerous job,” she said, “so I’d mostly be worried about…” the words got caught in her throat and she cleared it, speaking quickly, “what would happen to someone I cared about if I didn’t come back from a mission.” 

Saying it out loud, she realized how dark it sounded. She hadn’t intended to bring the mood of the table down so suddenly, so she found herself jumping in to speak before Beverly or Deanna could respond.

“But, besides, I don’t generally think in terms of romance, anyway, that’s not really my area of expertise,” she laughed, taking a sip of her drink and avoiding eye contact.

Deanna spoke softly, “Tasha, that’s—”

“Good evening, ladies,” a voice said suddenly.

Tasha’s gaze jerked upward just in time to see William Riker walking up to their table, an instrument case held in one hand. He smiled at Deanna –as usual, it was a different smile than the one he used for everyone else– as he slowed to a stop, his free arm resting on the back of her chair.

Beverly smiled at him, her eyes skimming over the black suit and tie he wore. “You clean up pretty nicely, commander.”

Riker grinned, “I’m glad you like it, I wanted to get into the proper jazz spirit,” he said, turning on his heel as if to display every angle of his fashion choice. 

Deanna raised her eyebrows, “And what will you be playing tonight?”

He winked playfully, “Why, do you have a special request?”

Deanna leaned closer and asked, in a serious tone, “Nightbird?”

Riker snorted, “ _No_.”

Laughing, Deanna sighed loudly and looked at Beverly and Tasha pointedly, “You know, I’m not sure it’s worth staying for the concert if no one is going to play ‘Nightbird’.”

Even as she spoke, bright lights clicked on all around the stage and someone walked on, scattered applause announcing the start to the performance proper. 

Riker leaned closer and Tasha could just hear him whisper, “Sorry to disappoint,” into Deanna’s ear as he smiled and ducked away, moving toward a group of other musicians.

Tasha watched him go with mixed emotions, but quickly pushed the bulk of them away, choosing to concentrate on having a good time this evening. 

Nevermind that Deanna smiled after him like he pulled sunlight in his wake. Tasha chose to ignore that. Her plan was unchanged, she was _going_ to ask Deanna to the holodeck at some point this evening.

Just as long as she could keep her head and not get flustered.

So she instead concentrated on the music, the soft, jazzy sounds of brass, strings, and piano melding together. By forcing herself to sit and listen only to the notes, to the melodies and rhythms, she managed to pass through a good chunk of the performance. 

Unfortunately, her mistake came when she stopped to applaud a performance, and glanced over to Deanna… 

Because when she looked across the table, it seemed as if Deanna was wreathed on all sides by stars. It was just because of the way the observation windows aligned behind her, but Tasha could swear some of those pinpoints of light were caught up in her dark curls like stardust in a nebula.

And Tasha could have stared at her all night.

“I’ll be right back,” she murmured, rising from her seat and retreating quietly to the nearest replicator under the pretense of getting another drink.

The next act walked on stage and Tasha took no note of the oddly long applause until Riker’s voice rang out across the audience.

“Thank you, thanks,” he said, smiling and nodding a little, “Tonight I’m gonna be playing something with a little more swing to it,” he leaned in and added, “So that means I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to dance.” There were scattered cheers at this and he grinned, “Don’t be shy, we’ve got plenty of room for it, right?”

There were already a few couples rising from their chairs, smiling widely and moving to aisles and places with enough space to accommodate.

Tasha told herself not to look over at the table Deanna and Beverly were sitting at. Told herself that was a bad plan.

Oh, but who was she to tell herself what to do?

Deanna looked _delighted_ , with a huge grin on her face as she leaned toward Beverly, and Tasha could see her laughing as she spoke.

As Riker’s song started, Tasha felt her heart sinking. If she’d ever managed to make Deanna smile like that, she hadn’t seen it. 

It didn’t matter what she felt, because Riker had…

Long before Tasha and Deanna had even met, he had been there. Before Tasha had deluded herself into thinking _maybe_ she had a chance, he had rightfully and fairly won Deanna’s heart.

That didn’t mean that this sting would go away anytime soon. 

Tasha swallowed hard around the lump that had formed in her throat without her realizing, and turned back to the replicator, whispering her drink request in a low voice.

Even after she retrieved her glass from the replicator, she didn’t move back to the table. At this point there were people all around her, in the aisleways and clear spaces, dancing and laughing and essentially blocking her path. She stood and watched, trying to gain some control over her wayward feelings.

The last thing she needed was for Deanna to become concerned as to why Tasha was suddenly so low. 

Tasha tipped her glass back and took a large swig, hoping the synthehol would take just enough of the edge off that she wouldn’t have to worry. As the song broke into a long trombone solo, Tasha seriously considered simply slipping out the exit and heading back to her quarters. But that would raise more questions she didn’t want to try to answer. 

Questions like ‘why’d you leave without saying goodbye’ and ‘what’s your problem with Will Riker?’. 

At long last, the song wrapped up, and as the dancers clapped and headed back to their tables, Tasha walked back to hers, smiling almost sincerely at Beverly and Deanna as she slid back into her seat.

“Got trapped by the crowd,” she said, in explanation, laughing a little and taking a sip of her drink.

Deanna was still smiling profusely as she shook her head, “You should have joined in with them. Maybe you’d catch someone’s eye,” she said, winking teasingly.

Tasha snorted, raising her eyebrows, “Well, I didn’t see you two dancing.” 

Beverly grinned, “Not that I didn’t want to,” she laughed, “but I think I’d have to stretch first.”

“Don’t let Beverly fool you, she’s a _great_ dancer,” Deanna said, shaking her head as she leaned toward Tasha.

“Oh, shush,” the doctor said, rolling her eyes and gently nudging Deanna’s shoulder, turning her attention once more toward the stage.

Tasha chuckled a little, moving her gaze back to the stage, as well, as the next act was stepping up to perform. Once again she committed her mind to setting her emotions aside and enjoying her night…

This made things simpler, after all. This meant she didn’t have to face Deanna’s rejection. Or her pity. It meant she didn’t have to ask Deanna out at all and could just…

What? Wait for her heart to stop pounding when the counselor so much as smiled at her? Wait for the soft glow to subside to reality?

Was that honestly all she could hope to achieve?

By the time the show ended, Tasha was smiling and laughing naturally, as caught up in her own act as she could force herself to be. As the lights came up, Beverly jumped to her feet to go congratulate a few of her nurses who had performed.

Deanna leaned on the table, an eyebrow raised, “So tell me more about this holodeck program you’ve been working on.”

Tasha laughed out loud, looking down at her empty glass, and she could feel her surprise bringing a light flush to her cheeks, “How do you remember to ask about this stuff?” she asked, still laughing, “That was at the beginning of the night.”

Deanna shrugged, smiling, “You seemed… excited.”

“It’s,” she shook her head, forcing her smile to stay on her lips, “it’s embarrassing…” she said, as a way to buy time to come up with something to say.

The counselor looked intrigued, “Tasha, you know I wouldn’t judge you,” she said, sliding over to Beverly’s vacated seat to be closer to Tasha.

Tasha tried to ignore the way Deanna’s sudden proximity, without the table to serve as a barrier anymore, made her heart race. She hoped the redness in her cheeks would read as embarrassed (which, she was, technically, among other things). 

“Well,” she said slowly, “I was just…” looking down, she had a sudden thought and finished her sentence in a rush, “I wanted to make a sort of a ‘spa day’ program for you and me and Beverly and maybe a few others,” she looked up to meet Deanna’s eyes, shrugging a little and chuckling, “I don’t know. It’s silly, I was just thinking about how little time I spend with other women in a non-work-related setting.”

Deanna’s brows furrowed in confusion and she opened her mouth to say something, but another figure approaching their table seemed to stop her.

“Enjoy the show?” William Riker, clearly the master of interruption, said (and Tasha had never been so happy to see him), grinning widely and carrying his trombone.

Tasha returned the smile, “I didn’t know you were so talented, commander,” she rose to her feet, adding teasingly, “You should bring that next time you have the conn, it would make those long shifts _much_ more enjoyable.”

Riker laughed, “I’ll see if the captain will allow it for your sake, Tasha,” he returned, before looking at Deanna and saying, with raised brows, “And what about you, counselor?”

Deanna smiled, “You know I always love when you play,” she said, before looking at Tasha and adding, with a sarcastic smirk, “I would have _preferred_ to hear ‘Nightbird’ but I guess I’m used to you disappointing me.”

Tasha blinked in surprise at the comment, convinced that it would embarrass or annoy Riker. It was certainly not something that she herself would ever have said to the ship’s first officer but, then… she wasn’t Deanna.

But Riker was already laughing, throwing his head back in mirth and he said, between chuckles, “Ok, how about I combine your suggestions and play ‘Nightbird’ next time I have the conn?”

Deanna tilted her head in a teasing way and said, “Excellent. We’ll get it recorded and use it next time we enter a battle.”

Riker stepped over one of the chairs and sat down, “You mean for ship’s morale? Or for making ears bleed?”

Tasha laughed, shaking her head, “I’m a little lost… What’s ‘Nightbird’?”

Riker rolled his eyes, chuckling, “It’s a song.”

“Quite a beautiful one, if it’s played correctly,” Deanna added, still smirking.

The way Deanna said “if” was all Tasha needed to put the mystery together. She laughed, her eyebrows raising, “I see. I’m sure it’s something else when it’s played _in_ correctly, then.”

Deanna laughed, “You could say that.”

Unsure how else to excuse herself, with the way Riker was leaning across the table to look at Deanna as if no one else was even in the room, Tasha cleared her throat and said quietly, “I should be going, I’m due on shift early tomorrow.”

Riker turned to look at her, seeming surprised at her sudden exit, “So am I! But if you leave now you’ll miss the afterparty!”

Tasha raised her eyebrows at him, “Afterparty?”

He grinned, looking between Tasha and Deanna’s confused faces, “It’s an _ancient_ Earth tradition, goes back centuries,” he said, as if this explained everything. When Tasha’s eyebrows only inched slightly higher, he continued, “It’s when the show is finished and the performers go out for drinks!”

Tasha laughed, shaking her head and pulling a face, “That… sounds a bit boring.”

Riker furrowed his brow, looking astounded at this statement, “It’s fun!”

Deanna smiled, looking down, but saying nothing. 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Tasha said, shrugging and pushing herself away from the table. She waved a little, adding, “but I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

Riker grinned, waving a hand,“See you then, Tasha!”

As she turned away, she let out a low breath. By the time she was out the exit and into the quiet, empty corridor beyond, she almost felt like she could relax. 

“Tasha!”

She turned around with dread to the sound of Deanna’s voice, but she tried for a surprised and polite face, smiling with an inquisitive, “Hmm?”

Deanna walked to where Tasha stood and slowed to a stop, “I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” she said, brushing some of her dark curls out of her eyes.

Tasha shrugged, “Um… yes, why?” she asked.

Deanna’s eyebrows furrowed and she seemed even more concerned than before, “Because you’re lying. Just like you were before when I asked about that holodeck program.”

Tasha’s breath caught in her throat even as Deanna continued.

“These aren’t small lies, Tasha, I can sense there’s something larger that you’re hiding.” Deanna didn’t look angry, or even annoyed. She looked worried for Tasha, and that was so much worse than her anger.

Something heavy sunk into Tasha’s gut, a visceral reaction of panic, and she let out a breath, her eyes averting from Deanna’s face to stare at nothing. “It’s not…” she didn’t even know what to say. The truth wasn’t an option… Not after everything she’d seen tonight.

Deanna took a step forward and hesitantly reached out a hand, placing it comfortingly on Tasha’s upper arm. “You don’t have to explain everything right away. I feel you’re very conflicted,” she lowered her voice to a painfully gentle tone that tore at Tasha’s heart, “I understand that some things you can only work out on your own but I’d like you to come see me,” she hesitated a moment, adding, “as a counselor or as a friend.”

Tasha glanced up and met Deanna’s eyes momentarily, but quickly looked away again, fearful of what she might feel at being this… close. This vulnerable. She forced herself to breath in a ragged breath and say quietly, “Thank you. I will.”

Her tone was soft, but inside she felt like yelling. 

She’d been so damn close and now… what was she to do?

Deanna’s soft smile grew, but Tasha could tell she was still worried. “You know where to find me. I mean it, any hour of the day.”

Nodding, but saying nothing, Tasha forced a half-smile to her face. She knew if she spoke her voice would crack. That her resolve would break.

Deanna squeezed her arm a little, a quick offering of physical comfort, and smiled with a gentle, “Goodnight, Tasha,” before turning and disappearing back through the doors of Ten Forward. 

Tasha restarted her walk back to her quarters, but soon changed to a jog, then a full run. The hour was late, so the halls of the ship were more or less empty, and all she wanted was to get back to her room. To throw herself into bed.

Or, preferably, out an airlock. That way she wouldn’t have to talk to Deanna ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Data checks in on Tasha, and things aren't looking too great...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is WAAAAY shorter than the others, but it felt weird to put it at the end of the last chapter OR the beginning of the next chapter so *shrugs* it is what it is. I hope you like it anyway!!

Tasha didn’t toss herself out an airlock, as much as she wanted to. She did, however, change out of her uniform and into her most comfortable clothes as soon as she reached her quarters.

She was just about to cocoon herself into a pile of blankets and pretend her problems would go away after sleeping on them when the door chime sounded. 

Frowning, Tasha didn’t answer the sound immediately, choosing instead to stand and stare at the door with suspicion. Because who the _hell_ would be checking in on her this late at night?

The door chime sounded again.

“Computer, identify, who’s outside my quarters?” she said quickly.

The computer blipped in confirmation upon receiving the request and then said, “Lieutenant Commander Data.”

“ _Shit_ ,” she muttered, rubbing a hand over her face tiredly, but all the same continuing at full volume, “Come in!”

It would be useless trying to wait for him to go away. This was Data, after all.

As the doors opened and Data stepped inside, Tasha turned away from him, her hands moving through her hair in a frustrated gesture.

“Yeah, what is it?” she snapped (and immediately regretted doing so).

Data frowned, seeming taken aback by the hostility in her tone, “I wanted to see how your plan to ask Deanna to the holodeck went,” he said simply.

Tasha tried to keep the edge off her tone this time, but could still taste the bitterness of it too much to succeed, “Easy,” she said, crossing her arms, “it didn’t.”

Data’s frown deepened and he opened his mouth to ask her what she meant, but Tasha shook her head and jumped in before any words could leave his lips. 

“But that’s fine, because it’s off. All of it, the whole plan, I’m calling it off.”

He tilted his head curiously, “Why?”

Tasha scoffed, she felt her fingernails digging into her palms as her hands tightened and she spoke through clenched teeth, “Because I don’t feel like humiliating myself?” she said, as if it was a suggestion. She walked to the couch but didn’t sit down, she was too wired with frustration, “Because Will Riker’s already her… her _interest_ , official or not?”

“What about the holoprogram?” Data asked.

Tasha spun on her heel to face him, throwing her hands up, “I don’t care!” she realized she’d shouted at him without intending to, and lowered her voice, “Delete it or… or tell Geordi he can have it or _whatever_ , I don’t care.” She sighed and pressed her fingertips to her temples, shaking her head, “I’m sorry… I have a lot on my mind right now, Data, can you please just go?”

The android hesitated, as if unsure what to do. Finally, he turned back to the door, speaking in a low voice, “I am sorry things did not work out, Tasha.”

Tasha bit her lip, nodding almost imperceptibly, “Yeah,” she said, her throat suddenly feeling constricted, her voice too quiet, “me too.”

Data stopped at her sudden change of tone, not moving any closer to the door. He looked at her with furrowed brows, “Are you sure you wish to be alone right now?” 

Tasha shrugged, opening her mouth to speak but unable to form words past the lump in her throat. Tears formed in her eyes and she angrily wiped them away, setting her jaw firmly.

 _God_ , why was she crying? In front of Data of all people?

Data took a step closer, but seemed unsure how to comfort her, his hands lifting slightly from his sides as if he wanted to reach out to her.

Inhaling a shaky breath that caught and hitched in her throat, Tasha shook her head, whispering, “Data, I was stupid,” more tears, hot and stinging in her eyes, rolled down her flushed cheeks, but she continued talking anyway, “I let myself get carried away and I wasted your time. And Geordi’s time. And mine.”

He was quiet for a moment, before he responded, his voice gentle. 

“In all that I have learned of humans, love is a seemingly inescapable topic,” he blinked, his eyebrows raising slightly, “and though I cannot feel it myself, the sheer amount of time and effort which humans have put towards it, over the course of all their history…” he hesitated, before finishing, “I do not believe any moment dedicated to love could be a waste.” 

He was so sincere that Tasha knew he was being entirely serious. These weren’t words he made up just to comfort her…

She stepped forward and threw her arms around him, burying her tear-streaked face into his shoulder.

In the half-second that it took Data to process this sudden action, he stood tense in her arms, but then he returned the hug, his arms wrapping around her. 

Tasha whispered, her eyes tightly closed, “You’re a good friend, Data.”

“As are you, Tasha,” he said.

She smiled a little, her eyebrows pulling together, “Even though that holoprogram will never get used? We spent so much time on it, Data…”

“It is only a program.”

Pulling away from the hug, Tasha wiped her eyes on the edge of her shirt sleeve again, sniffing, “I’m sorry,” she said, taking a deep breath, still feeling like she could start crying again (never a comfortable place to be).

A small smile pulled at Data’s lips and he said, “There is no need to apologize,” he looked down at his shirt, saying simply, “tears cannot damage Starfleet uniforms.”

Tasha chuckled, shaking her head, “I meant about yelling at you.”

He raised his eyebrows, “I was aware. I thought I might use comedy to alleviate some of your sadness.”

She smiled, nodding, “Well, it worked…” she shrugged, adding, “sort of.” When he looked concerned, she stammered out, “It’s just…just that Deanna wants to talk to me because I kind of lied to her earlier, so now she’ll be expecting an explanation and I… I don’t know what to tell her.”

Data frowned, “You do not believe you can tell her the truth?”

“Of course not,” Tasha sighed, looking away, “but I also don’t know how I can justify lying to her.”

Data blinked, tilting his head, “I am not sure you can.”

Tasha shrugged, “I have to. I… I can't handle the alternative.”

Before he could respond, Tasha stepped away from him, saying quietly, “But it doesn't matter for tonight,” she smiled, “Thank you for… being here.”

Data smiled, “I only did what any friend would.”

“I mean,” Tasha took a deep breath, “through all of this. You’ve been unbelievably patient.”

He furrowed his brow a little, as if he were trying to decide how to phrase his answer. Finally, he said, still hesitating, “Because I… wanted to help you. To ensure you would not put yourself into another situation you would feel… guilt or regret afterwards.” He smiled slightly, “Because you do not need to _prove_ that you are or are not anything, Tasha.”

Tasha smiled, her eyes tracing their way down to the floor. “I won’t, Data, I promise,” she murmured.

“Have a good night,” he said.

“Yeah, you too,” she responded, only half-mindful of the words as they left her lips. 

The door to her quarters opened and shut, and Data was gone again. Tasha walked to her room and tossed herself face first onto her bed, groaning.

Her thoughts kept swirling around, with no solution in sight.

“Computer, lights off,” she said, somewhat muffled by her pillow.

The computer blipped and the lights blinked out. Tasha let out a long sigh and closed her eyes, hoping vaguely that if she fell asleep she would wake up with a brilliant plan.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasha gets some advice from Worf, along with a pretty good ass kicking (the two events are only slightly related).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer, I've never sparred with a person in my life and all of my aikido knowledge is from wikipedia. If someone hit me with any force I'd hit the floor like a splat of toothpaste.   
> That being said, I hope you like the chapter! :P

She didn’t have a plan.

Tasha turned around a corner, ducking behind one of the low barricades in the training simulation. All was silent in the holodeck.

She inhaled a slow breath, urging her mind to exist in the _now_ rather than continuing to dwell on her…

Jumping up, she carefully took aim and fired her phaser once at a large target against the wall.

… _issues_ with Deanna.

Tasha leapt over the barricade she had been hiding behind, sprinting across the open space, feeling uniquely exposed.

She still didn’t know where Worf-

A huge body collided with hers, checking her into the nearest barricade. Her practice phaser tumbled out of her hand and she hit the floor. She tensed, ready to kick his feet out from under him. But a single loud _beep_ sounded as he fired his own practice phaser and it hit her training vest. A shot that would have stunned (or killed) her. 

Tasha let out a tired groan, her head falling back to the floor.

Worf frowned, “You’re not paying attention.”

“I’m dead, Worf, give me a second to catch my breath,” she said, closing her eyes.

A shuffling noise. Tasha opened her eyes and Worf was kneeling on the floor beside her, focused on her. 

“I don’t just mean right now,” he said flatly, “all morning you’ve been out of focus. Making small mistakes. You have been trained better than this.”

Tasha sat up. The two were more or less at eye level with each other. She ran a hand back through her short hair wearily. 

“I don’t know,” she muttered bitterly, “today’s not my day, Worf.”

His jaw tightened and she could see his shoulders squaring, “It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘your day’, Tasha,” his eyes narrowed, “We must be prepared regardless.”

She rolled her eyes, “I _am_ prepared. Right now I’m just… trying to figure out another problem.”

Worf stood up, reaching a hand down to help her to her feet. “What other problem?”

Tasha scoffed as he pulled her up. She bounced on her heels a bit, smirking, “A personal problem. I won’t bore you with the details.”

He frowned, “So you would rather have me continue to beat you in every training exercise?”

Tasha laughed, thankful to know enough about Worf’s humor to see he was joking, “I might get the better of you in the next round. What is it, hand to hand?”

Worf nodded once, glancing upward and saying tersely, “Computer, load program Worf-Training-Seven.”

The barricades and targets around them disappeared to be replaced with a simple aikido training ring. Tasha smiled a bit and glanced at Worf.

“When was the last time you beat me in martial arts?” she asked simply.

Worf didn’t crack, “I have a good feeling about today.”

Tasha chuckled, taking off the phaser training vest as she walked toward the nearest wall, where a couple of wrap-top gi uniforms waited. She bent down to remove her shoes, speaking over her shoulder.

“So am I to assume you’ve been practicing?” she asked.

She saw Worf stop beside her, donning his own uniform as he said flatly, “Of course.”

When they finally walked to the ring, both barefoot, Tasha still didn’t feel like herself. Usually aikido cleared her mind, and today it simply… didn’t.

Which is why she shouldn’t have been surprised that she was laid out flat within five minutes.

Worf crossed his arms, “And that would be why I had a good feeling about today.”

Tasha glowered up at him as she moved into a sitting position, “No need to gloat, Worf.”

His brows drew low over his eyes, “I wasn’t trying to gloat, Tasha.”

She jumped to her feet, “Of course not,” she said, rolling her eyes and walking back to her side of the ring, “That wouldn’t be ‘honorable’.”

Worf frowned, but said nothing, only readied himself for the second round.

Tasha planted her feet and took a deep breath, aligning herself into a naturally balanced posture. As she exhaled, she relaxed her shoulders and tried to push any unnecessary thoughts from her mind.

The computer sounded a tone to start the match.

As she stepped forward, Tasha’s gut twisted. Her mind pulled the image of Deanna’s betrayed, confused face, her words echoing through Tasha’s head like the background thrum of the warp engines.

“ _These aren’t small lies, Tasha, I can sense there’s something larger that you’re hiding_.”

Worf grabbed ahold of her arm and shoulder as she lunged, easily twisting to throw her to the mat.

Once again, the sensation of hitting the floor. Once again, the sight of the holodeck’s light fixtures staring down at her.

She sighed, putting an arm over her eyes wearily.

“Computer end program,” she said.

“Computer, belay that order,” Worf barked.

Tasha moved her arm and sat up sharply, glaring at Worf, “It’s best out of three. You won.”

He walked to his end of the mat and turned, standing at the ready. “I wish to continue.”

She clambered to her feet, “I _don’t_.”

Worf raised an eyebrow, “I’m giving you the chance to redeem yourself.”

“Oh, and is that the honorable thing to do?” she asked, walking to her side of the ring all the same, “I thought Klingons didn’t give second chances.”

“Perhaps not to our enemies,” he said.

Tasha turned around and exhaled, choosing not to respond to his statement. She tried to let her negative energies flow freely away as she planted herself into a ready position, but her irritation and the fresh shame of being beaten twice still buzzed through her limbs. 

Her aikido master would have told her to stand down. Would have instructed her not to fight until she could find her center.

When the computer sounded the start of the match, she stayed on the outer edge of the ring, studying Worf’s movements and trying to predict his first move.

He was a solid opponent, always planted and steady on his feet. But he was also heavier than her. When he moved quickly there was a lot of momentum there.

So, when he lounged forward, Tasha dodged to one side and swiped low, knocking his feet out from under him, allowing his own forward motion to send him sprawling onto his stomach.

Before she could revel in this small victory, he jumped to a crouch and grabbed her leg, flipping her easily onto the mat beside him.

Tasha rolled to her feet and faced Worf, who had already regained his footing and stood a couple meters away. 

“Why didn’t you take the advantage?” she asked, narrowing her eyes, “You could have finished the round right then, pinned me and called it.”

He smirked, “I’m enjoying myself.”

Tasha laughed, “Very Klingon of you, but what if this were a real fight?”

“Then I would have already won,” he said simply.

Before she could respond, Worf darted forward, aiming a fist at her torso. Tasha sidestepped and grabbed his shoulder, hoping to unbalance him enough that she could gain an advantage.

A second later, though, he wrapped his arms around her torso and tackled her to the floor, both of them falling to the mat. Tasha’s back hit the floor and forced the breath out of her.

Worf was laughing as she pushed him away.

“That wasn’t a legal move!” she growled, breathing heavily, sitting up and shoving his shoulder.

He was still laughing, leaning back on his hands as he sat, relaxed, on the mat beside her.

Tasha rolled her eyes, “What’s so funny?”

“Your problem must be serious,” he said, “if it’s letting me win this much.”

“And you think that’s funny?” she snapped, glaring.

He met her eyes, “I think it’s funny that you haven’t thought to ask for help.”

“Who says I haven’t?” Tasha asked, her eyes darting away.

“Because you and I are very alike,” he said, “and I know I would not,” he shrugged, “which is why I am thankful… that my friends would not stand to see me make such a mistake.”

“Do you find it funny when _you_ don’t ask for help?” She asked.

He shook his head, “I don’t. But what would you do? If I were the one so distracted by a problem? If I were stubbornly silent and refusing to ask for help?” 

Tasha felt a little smile tug at her lips, “As your friend? I’d call you an idiot.”

“You would laugh,” he said.

“I’d be the only one,” she said, rolling her eyes, “I don’t know if anyone else would have the guts,” she turned her head to look at him, “You cut an imposing figure.”

He raised his eyebrows, “So, as _your_ friend,” he hesitated, “I’m asking what I can do.”

Tasha shrugged, looking away, “Data and Geordi already… _tried_ to help and they couldn’t. And then I messed it all up even more and now I don’t know what to do.”

“Did you ask?” Worf said, raising his eyebrows.

She frowned, “Did I ask _what_?” 

“Did you ask for their help?” he explained, “Or did they simply offer it?”

“The second one… I guess,” Tasha murmured, still frowning. “Why?”

Worf exhaled, running a hand thoughtfully through his beard, “I find often that if I don’t have to _ask_ for help, and put into words what it is I require assistance on,” he glanced at her, “I often don’t know what it is someone else can do to help.”

Tasha nodded her understanding, looking down at the mat. 

“Data,” she began slowly, “showed up at my quarters with a plan that… I wasn’t sure about, but I went along with it, anyway. I thought it was the only way.” She smiled a little, looking at Worf pointedly, “And Geordi got pulled into the same plan.”

He raised his eyebrows, “So, if you were to make a plan of your own, what would it be?”

Tasha scoffed, looking up at the ceiling with a wry smile, “Probably ignoring the problem.”

Worf laughed, “That’s _not_ a plan. That’s a retreat at worst and a temporary fix at best.”

“Not to mention,” Tasha said chuckling dryly, “currently impossible. I told you, I messed things up.” 

He looked at her for a moment, silent and contemplative.

“It would help if you told me what it is that’s gone wrong,” he said slowly.

Tasha stiffened, inhaling slowly, her hands tugging at her gi belt like she was a restless child.

A small voice inside of her asked why she should keep telling everyone except the _one_ person she wanted to tell… but a louder voice reminded her…

 _She_ had never told anyone. Not really. Data had found out by accident. Geordi had figured out everything except for Deanna’s name.

She sighed out a breath, murmuring, “The problem is,” she paused laughing a little, “it’s not really a _problem_ to anyone but me. So, I guess the _truth_ is…” she swallowed to wet her dry throat, “I’ve developed feelings for, um… Deanna.” 

Tasha stopped, glancing at Worf to see if this caused any sort of reaction. When he only tilted his head by the barest degree, clearly waiting for her to continue, she cleared her throat and looked down at her feet.

“Data helped me to make a holodeck program. A date program, I guess,” Tasha said, the words coming out in a rush, “and I wanted to ask Deanna to go with me the other night but I couldn’t.” She clenched her jaw against emotions that threatened to add a quiver to her voice, “It became obvious that she and Riker were… _are_ together.”

Worf furrowed his brow, but still said nothing.

Tasha glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and finished quickly, “But I lied to her. And Deanna knows, now, and she wants me to come and talk to her and…” she shrugged, her brows drawing together as she looked helplessly at the wall across from them, as if it could somehow provide answers, “and I don’t know what to say. I can’t lie and I can’t tell the truth. Because if I do either it’ll mean I lose her as a friend and that’s the last thing I want.”

There was a beat of silence so thick that Tasha felt almost crushed by it. 

At last, though, Worf took a breath and spoke, his tone measured.

“When facing the decision between lying and honesty, most especially when either could end in disaster,” he said slowly, “is not simply a choice between truth or untruth. It’s about honor.”

Tasha chuckled a little, giving Worf a teasing look, “Isn’t it always about honor?”

He looked at her flatly, ignoring her joke to say instead, “A true warrior asks what songs will be sung of their actions. Asks how history will remember their words.”

She rolled her eyes, looking away, “I’m not a warrior. I’m just an _idiot_ with a crush.”

Worf sighed, his tone exasperated as if she was missing the whole point, “Then ask yourself how your _friends_ will remember your words,” he raised his eyebrows, “When they look back at you in their memories, will they remember that you lied to save yourself a temporary embarrassment? Or will they remember that, despite the fear that you would lose a friendship, you told the truth?”

Tasha bit her lip, allowing Worf’s words to sink in.

He sat up straight, adding, in a softer tone, “I apologize if that was… too abrupt,” he said, “but the truth is simply that, should this problem truly be the end of your friendship with Deanna, then there are only two options.” He took a breath, “Lie, and you will lose her to distrust. She will not know _why_ you lied, only that you did so repeatedly. Or tell the truth, and she will tell you she is not able to return the feelings. She will perhaps change her behavior slightly for the comfort of you both.”

Tasha sighed out a breath, nodding. She closed her eyes, eyebrows drawn with slight pain as her heart seemed to chip away within her chest…

“I’m gonna be honest, neither of those are really appealing,” she said, with a bitter laugh, “Though I guess the second is less unappealing than the first.”

“Of course,” Worf said, “there is also a third scenario, should you choose to tell the truth.”

Tasha shook her head, “No, there isn’t.”

Worf scoffed, “Targ manure.”

“I get that you’re trying to make me feel better,” Tasha snapped, turning to look at him sharply, “but I know how this is going to end, ok?”

He frowned, meeting her eyes, “The one who counts a defeat before the battle is lost is a fool.”

Tasha pushed herself smoothly to her feet, “And the Klingon who has a warrior idiom for every conversation is _also_ a fool!”

Worf smirked, standing up and facing her, “Then you don’t want to know the third outcome?”

She rolled her eyes, “I _know_ that the third outcome is never going to happen!”

He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at her.

“Tell the truth, and she will tell you she feels the same.”

Tasha blinked and looked away, muttering, “That’s a fantasy.”

“Perhaps not,” he said.

She sighed, “I’m not going to have this argument with you,” she murmured, rubbing her eyes tiredly. But when Tasha glanced up at him again, she let a small smile tug at her lips, saying quietly, “Thank you, Worf…”

He returned the smile, “I wish you luck.”

She laughed, “I’m going to need every bit.”

Worf raised an eyebrow, “No matter what you may think,” he said slowly, “there _is_ a chance.”

Tasha took a deep breath, nodding anyway. 

“Oh, yeah,” she said sarcastically, softly punching his shoulder as she walked past him to get to her shoes, “and I guess there’s a chance that the warp core will overload and kill us all just as I open my mouth to tell Deanna,” she turned around, raising her eyebrows and planting her hands on her hips, “but I’m not going to plan on that scenario, either.”

Worf scoffed, unwrapping his gi uniform and walking over to hang it up, “The chances of a warp core overload are far lower.”

Tasha shook her head, chuckling a little as she tied her shoes, “Whatever you say, Worf.”

She… _did_ feel better. There was still a gnawing beast of nervousness churning in her stomach, but it wasn’t because she didn’t know what to do, at least. Now she could put that anxious energy toward something useful.

Like figuring out what the _hell_ to say to Deanna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been enjoying the fic, feel free to leave a comment or send me a message on tumblr at my Star Trek blog softbutchtashayar! :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasha finally gets her nervousness under control and asks Deanna if they can talk.   
> Now it's a matter of knowing how to explain it all... and bracing herself for the worst possible outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big moment is finally here!!! :O What's gonna happen? Are they gonna end up together??! (spoilers..... yes, they're gonna end up together. but you already knew that...)

“Keep up!” Tasha called over her shoulder, jogging through the ship with a half-dozen security ensigns in tow. She glanced backwards and checked on them, doing a quick count to make sure all were present.

“Ensign Vosil, to the front! Set the pace!” she instructed.

The young Trill sprinted up from the back and took her place at the head of the line. Tasha was pleased to see that her stamina was improving. 

Tasha allowed herself to fall to the back of the line, where she could better watch the ensigns but still call out directions.

It had been over two days since her talk with Worf and she still wasn’t sure what to say to Deanna. Their shifts had kept them separate and Tasha was almost grateful. Obviously she knew she’d have to handle the issue and _soon_ but… for now her duties had kept her busy. She had new ensigns to train. Not to mention she’d been organizing security escorts for the science teams currently studying a nearby planetary system. It was all more than enough to keep her away from the bridge.

She’d even considered sending _herself_ down to the planetary system just to get off the ship for a little while. Get some fresh air and all that.

Unfortunately, it was more important she remain here… 

“Head for Turbolift 3! We’re going to Deck 12!” she called to the front of the line. 

Ensign Vosil signalled her understanding and jogged ahead, picking up the pace slightly.

Once she and her group of ensigns were clustered into the lift, all breathing steadily, Tasha glanced around.

“Tulka, how are you?” she asked, smiling a little.

The Vulcan ensign looked over at her flatly, “I am well, ma’am.”

Tasha nodded, looking next to him, at a human ensign, “And how about you, Behrad?”

He grinned widely, “Feeling great, ma’am.”

Tasha smiled, “Let’s hope you feel the same in the next hour,” she looked to the Trill ensign, “Ensign Vosil, you’ve improved. I’m impressed.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” she said, nodding curtly.

The lift doors opened at Deck 9 and Tasha instinctively stepped back from the door to provide room for whoever was coming in.

Deanna Troi smiled widely, glancing around the small space as she stepped inside.

“A bit cramped, but at least it’ll be a safe trip,” she joked, before addressing the computer with a soft, “Deck 17.” 

As the turbolift started to move again, the Betazoid glanced at Tasha, “Shaping up the new crew members, Lieutenant Yar?”

Tasha knew that Deanna could sense her discomfort and surprise, but she tried not to let it enter her voice as she spoke, “Well, I’m giving it my best shot.” She smiled just barely.

Deanna chuckled, looking again at the out-of-breath ensigns, addressing them, “Well I wish you all luck,” she looked teasingly at Tasha, “she’s a tough woman.”

The lift stopped at Deck 12 and as the doors opened Tasha made a _very_ hasty decision.

“Ensign Groen! Set the pace, we’re going to the gymnasium!” she said loudly.

The ensigns filtered out of the lift and Tasha hesitated a moment longer, standing in the now-empty space with Deanna.

“I…” Tasha stammered, still coming up with the words even as she spoke them, “I’m sorry for what happened the other night. When I lied.”

Deanna looked surprised, “I forgive you, Tasha. Thank you.”

“I want to talk about my reasons,” Tasha said, hesitantly, her eyes glancing over to see the retreating backs of the ensigns about to disappear around a corner. She didn’t want to keep them waiting. “Can I meet with you later?” she asked, looking back at Deanna with a feeling kind of like she’d just dropped a heavy weight on her own chest.

Deanna nodded, “Of course. I’m free anytime after 1800 hours. Would you prefer to meet in my office or…”

“Your quarters, maybe?” Tasha asked, her brow furrowing, “It’s… not really a ‘counselor’ situation, I’d rather meet as… as friends.”

Deanna nodded, smiling, “That’s fine, Tasha. I’ll see you then.”

Tasha tried to return the smile with one of her own but wasn’t quite able to succeed. 

“Thank you, Deanna,” she said, her voice rushed as she sprinted out of the turbolift to catch up with her ensigns.

***

Tasha felt like throwing up. Or maybe like she should be hiding herself under her bed and hoping Deanna would forget about their meeting.

Neither of those would make the problem go away, though, so she continued walking and tried to brace herself for what was to come. She ran through what she was going to say over and over again.

The doors to Deanna’s quarters loomed in front of her, sending a fresh wave of nervousness through Tasha. 

She let out a deep breath and stepped up to press the door chime.

After a tense moment of quiet that set Tasha’s nerves further onto their edge, the doors hissed open. 

“Evening, Tasha!” Deanna said, smiling and gesturing for the taller woman to enter, “Come in, please, have a seat.”

Tasha forced a small smile, slipping through the doorway, “Thank you again for meeting with me, I know this has been… kind of strange.”

Deanna shook her head as she sat down on the couch, her loose curls bouncing around her face, “Don’t worry about it, Tasha,” she patted the seat beside her and smiled in a friendly way, “I’m just glad you want to talk about it.”

Tasha’s breath caught in her throat but she ignored it as she went to sit beside Deanna. The Betazoid’s dark eyes watched her with a stunning intelligence and Tasha was struck (not for the first time) of being entirely readable. As if Deanna already understood something _more_ about her.

For a moment Tasha could only breath and meet Deanna’s eyes. The way the black irises reflected the room around them, tracing away from the counselor’s eyes to study her face, the way her curly hair framed her features. 

And there was a resurgence of the feelings she’d had in Ten Forward once before. That everything was so close. Everything she wanted… hoped for… 

Realizing suddenly of the encroaching silence, Tasha cleared her throat and looked away, saying quickly, “Um… sorry. I’m kind of organizing my thoughts,” she chuckled a little, hoping to chase the nervousness away.

Deanna only smiled, “Take all the time you need,” she said, rising to her feet, “I’ll make some tea for us.”

Tasha let out a breath, watching Deanna program the replicator.

“Were you telling the truth?” she asked suddenly.

Deanna turned, her eyebrows furrowed, “About what?”

Tasha blushed, looking down at her hands, “When I asked what you could sense from me? You said that you had trouble reading me. Was that true?”

Deanna nodded, “Yes. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Tasha shrugged a little, her blush deepening, “It seemed odd. You can read everyone else on the ship,” she admitted.

“Well, not _everyone_ ,” Deanna said, grabbing their cups from the replicator, “But I suppose I might be able to read you better if I tried,” she gave Tasha a quick comforting glance, “Which I wouldn’t without permission. I know how guarded you are when it comes to your emotions,” she smiled a little as she sat down again, “I respect your right to your privacy.”

Deanna handed Tasha a cup of tea and Tasha took it, really only half-mindful. Her mind was still pounding at her to speak the words she’d rehearsed before, but she only sat staring at the floor thoughtfully.

“Tasha?” Deanna said softly.

She blinked and looked up, “Sorry,” she murmured, sitting up straight and clearing her throat, “Sorry, I’m just… thinking.”

Deanna nodded a little, “I understand,” she took a breath, raising her eyebrows, “Why don’t you tell me what happened the other night?”

Tasha bit her lip and exhaled slowly out her nose. Like a meditation exercise except that it really wasn’t working.

“I lied because… the actual holodeck program that Geordi and Data were helping me build was for me and a specific person. But I realized too late that this specific person was not interested in me,” she stared down into her tea, “I was embarrassed. So I lied.”

Deanna looked surprised, “Tasha, I’m sorry, I had no idea,” she said gently, moving very slightly closer, “that’s a difficult situation to be in.” She tilted her head, murmuring, “Who was it?”

Tasha took a breath and hoped that her voice wouldn’t break.

“It’s, um…” she felt her heart pounding loudly in her ears and it took all her willpower to pry her gaze over to look at Deanna, “you.”

She swore the silence lasted for hours. Days. Deanna’s eyes widened in surprise and realization. Tasha looked away to keep herself from seeing the inevitable moment when the Betazoid would gently tell her that she didn’t feel the same.

Braced for the worst, she felt the sudden need to explain and words left her lips in a rush. As if she couldn’t hold them back now that the simple fact was out in the open.

“I’ve been trying to tell you for so long now and I just didn’t want to lose you as a friend,” she said, staring down at the floor, her whole body tense, “Because you’re so important to me, Deanna. You’re–you’re kind and good and you’re encouraging and you’re more than a counselor on this ship you’re…” she let out a breath, shrugging nervously, “You’re its heart and soul. To me, I mean.”

She risked a glance at Deanna, reminded in the back of her mind that the other woman still hadn’t said anything.

“Deanna, when I think of you, I see everything we’re out here to find,” Tasha said, her voice dropping until it was almost a whisper, “Every bit of peace and love and life and discovery that our mission is supposed to be about… You’re it. To me, you’re it.”

Deanna reached out and covered one of Tasha’s hands with her own, “Tasha… why did…” she shook her head, seeming unable to find words.

Tasha was too startled by Deanna’s hand holding hers to answer coherently, “I… you don’t have to…” she let out a breath, sliding her hand out from under Deanna’s and setting her mug of tea down on the table, “I understand you don’t feel the same.”

As she rose to her feet in a rush, Deanna spoke softly.

“Why do you assume I don’t?” she asked.

Tasha stopped where she was. Unable to move forward but also afraid to look back. 

“I saw,” she hesitated, then started again with a slight change, “I _thought_ I saw the way you looked at Riker. The way he looked at you.”

Deanna reached out and grabbed Tasha’s hand, rising out of her seat to stand beside her. Tasha couldn’t stop her eyes from looking deep into Deanna’s. She couldn’t stop a nervous strand of hope from waking and fluttering in her chest.

“He and I aren’t anything more than friends,” Deanna said simply, her fingers entwining themselves gently in Tasha’s. And then she smiled, a wide, gorgeous smile that lit up her entire face.

“Tasha… I feel the same way about you.”

Nothing and everything felt real. The touch of Deanna’s hand and the sweet smell of her hair and she edged ever closer, the already-short distance between them growing smaller. Tasha was baffled and happy and overwhelmed, her whole body felt filled with electricity.

She furrowed her brow, a grin tugging at her lips, “Why didn’t you say something?”

Deanna shrugged, looking sheepish, “I couldn’t tell what you felt for me,” she murmured. She reached up to brush her free hand over Tasha’s shoulder, adding, with a quiet smile, “I can now. It’s radiating off of you like heat.”

Tasha laughed, a giddy sort of giggle as she reached out to rest her hand on Deanna’s hip, “Is it?”

“Mmhmm,” Deanna hummed, looking at Tasha, “I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. It’s strong and steady.” She lifted their entwined hands and kissed the back of Tasha’s hand, her lips brushing gently against her knuckles.

“And soft,” Deanna whispered, “Like you are.”

Tasha sighed, leaning down to rest her forehead against Deanna’s, running her fingertips along Deanna’s jaw. She kept staring. She kept wondering if this was just a dream; wondering if all this joy she was feeling would be gone in a rush of sound and light if she kept her eyes closed for too long.

And her heart was still hammering in her chest. 

“Can I kiss you?” she whispered.

Deanna’s excited smile was the most beautiful thing in the entire galaxy, and if Tasha had ever doubted her ability to make it appear, she didn’t anymore.

“Please do,” Deanna answered, laughing.

Tasha closed the last of the distance between them, releasing Deanna’s hand so that she could wrap her arms around the shorter woman and pull her in. The lips met and the entire ship might as well have stopped dead in space. Deanna’s fingers were in Tasha’s hair, running down her back, grasping at the Starfleet uniform. 

When they broke apart for breath, Tasha blinked her eyes open and caught sight of Deanna grinning.

“Stay the night?” Deanna asked quietly.

Tasha felt an immediate jolt of nervousness, she took a half-step backward, her hands still resting on Deanna’s shoulders.

“I… I can’t,” she whispered, stammering, “I wouldn’t be able… to be… I mean we couldn’t…”

Deanna stepped closer again and kissed the corner of Tasha’s lips, saying sweetly, “I understand, Tasha.” She smiled a little, “We don’t have to do anything. Not tonight,” she pulled Tasha into a tight hug, “We can talk. You can sleep on the couch or in my bed, but we don’t have to do anything more.”

Tasha felt the unexpected sting of tears in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Deanna. 

“Thank you…” she said.

Deanna squeezed a little tighter, “I want you to feel safe, Tasha.”

Tasha smiled and kissed Deanna’s forehead, “I do. Right here, with you, I feel safe.”

They eventually broke apart, and Tasha laughed, looking down at the lukewarm tea that neither of them had touched. Deanna took the dishes and made more.

They talked. Tasha held Deanna’s hand and they listened to music and leaned on each other until she could hardly keep her eyes open. 

It was everything she’d hoped. It was _more_ than she’d hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed the fic so far!! This is (more or less) the end, although there is *technically* one more chapter, it doesn't really count too much, it's more of a drabble. :P You'll see what I mean.   
> If you've liked the fic, don't be shy! Comments and messages and kind words are so, so encouraging and I hope you know how much it means to me when I get those notification emails!! Even if all you say is "aklgaklwljwgnlk" I'll UNDERSTAND. I appreciate you all so much! ^_^ Thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tasha has an awkward turbolift ride with William Riker.

Tasha awoke with a jolt and it took her a moment to remember she wasn’t in her quarters. She glanced over at Deanna’s sleeping form and for a moment she forgot what had made her wake so suddenly.

Then something in her mind screamed a reminder. She had a security briefing at 0700. 

She flipped the covers back and quietly asked the computer what time it was.

“It is 06:45.”

Tasha clapped a hand over her mouth to stop a string of loud expletives from escaping. Instead, she bolted out of the room, grabbing her uniform and pulling it on in hurried confusion.

She glanced in the mirror and tried in vain to make her hair sit flat, but it still stuck up strangely where she’d slept on it.

As she pulled on her boots, she heard soft footsteps in the carpet behind her and glanced back. Deanna smiled gently and leaned down to kiss Tasha’s cheek, her loose, dark curls tickling Tasha’s face as she did.

“I sensed your panic,” Deanna said softly, “I wasn’t sure if you regretted staying the night.”

Tasha shook her head, laughing, “No, I have a briefing I’m…” she checked the chronometer and jumped to her feet, “ _I’m gonna be late_.”

Deanna grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a goodbye kiss, reaching up to attempt to smooth Tasha’s blond locks and giggling when it didn’t help.

Tasha grinned, shaking her head, “Everyone’s going to know I slept late.”

“I’m sorry I distracted you,” Deanna said, brows pulling together in concern.

Backing toward the door, Tasha could only beam, despite how sore her cheeks were from smiling. 

“Don’t be sorry,” she said, “it was worth every second.”

Deanna smiled and blew Tasha a kiss, “I’ll see you on the bridge, Lieutenant Yar.”

Tasha laughed, “Until then, Counselor Troi,” she said, waving a little before she turned to sprint out, painfully aware of how late she was.

She made her way quickly through the ship and spotted the turbolift doors just beginning to close. With a burst of desperate energy, she pushed herself faster and managed to duck into the lift just in time.

She nearly jumped out of her skin as she came face-to-face with none other than William Riker.

He was almost as startled as she was, stumbling back a couple steps in surprise. A moment later, though, he was smiling widely.

“Well, good morning, Tasha,” he laughed.

She was breathing heavily, so she settled on giving him a polite nod and stepping to the other side of the lift.

“Deck 1,” she said clearly, and the lift started to move.

Riker glanced at her, eyebrows raised in a slightly teasing expression, “Nice hair. Running a bit late, I take it?”

She reached up to run her hands through her hair, an embarrassed red tingeing her cheeks as she spoke, “Long night.” 

He nodded a little, pursing his lips thoughtfully. There was a beat of quiet before he said, eyebrows furrowing in exaggerated contemplation.

“I thought your quarters were on Deck 7?” he looked at her pointedly.

Tasha bit the inside of her cheek, feeling heat rising in her face as she said, in her best casual tone, “They are.”

He smirked, chuckling, “Who’s the lucky person?”

She kept her eyes straight ahead, “I haven’t a clue what you mean, sir,” she said flatly.

Riker laughed, tossing his head back as the lift stopped and the doors opened, “Oh, come on, Lieutenant, at least give me _something_.”

Tasha rolled her eyes and stepped out of the turbolift. 

“I have a briefing to get to,” she said over her shoulder, giving him a look which she hoped he would take as a “this conversation is over” sort of expression.

There was a time and place to tell him. This wasn’t it.

Granted, she wasn’t sure _how_ to easily inform her commanding officer that she and his ex were together… 

Oh, god, she and Deanna were _together_.

She grinned as she walked into the briefing room, relishing that simple idea, her mind reliving the image of Deanna’s dark eyes, bright with starlight, staring up at her.

As if the vast, uncrossable distance and the stars within it were, for just one day or one moment, perfectly contained. And that calm and peace which Tasha had always felt from looking up… it was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't really a chapter, more just a silly idea that I had while writing this fic, lmaoo, I just wanted Will to be super oblivious to the fact that Tasha definitely just rushed into the lift from none other than... the very deck that Deanna lives on.... (and poor Tasha getting stuck standing there trying to keep a straight face).  
> Thank you all so much, again, for reading! I sincerely hope you enjoyed this fic!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Can't Help Falling In Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13997070) by [erin_the_extraterrestrial](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erin_the_extraterrestrial/pseuds/erin_the_extraterrestrial)




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